Wizard of Groz
by CzarThwomp
Summary: After being caught up in a twister, Pearl and her cat, Shoe, find themselves in the strange land of Groz. Can Pearl and Shoe safely get back home with the help of the Wizard or will they be stopped by the cantankerous Wicked Witch of the Prosecutor's Office in this "Wizard of Oz" parody? Story takes place shortly after the events of "Farewell my Turnabout".
1. It's a Twister, Mystic Maya!

**Disclaimer: The Ace Attorney franchise is property of Capcom. I, the writer of this fanfic, do not own the characters or am associated with the company in any way, shape, or form in the production of this non-canonical, non-profit fanfic. "Wizard of Oz" is owned by Disney and Warner Bros., companies that I also have no affiliation with.**

 **A/N:** Well, here's my first actual Phoenix Wright fanfic in a long while that isn't 'Pick Your Poison', y'know. This is my first parody fanfic on this site, so if it comes off as slightly different from my other works, then that's why.

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It's been a week since Engarde's trial and Phoenix, Maya, and Pearl are still recovering from Maya's kidnapping incident. Thankfully, Pearl has had an easier time recovering with the help of her new cat, Shoe, which Phoenix won at a police impound auction for $300, much to Pearl's delight and to his dismay. On this day, Maya is making Phoenix watch, against his free will, a 24 hour, no commercials marathon of 'Nickel Samurai' before it's permanently pulled off the air while Pearl plays with Shoe in the corner of the room.

Phoenix, who is being forced to watch the episode 'Sayo-nara Strawberry Stronghold' for the 14th time that day, is starting to fidget and grunt out of irritation. "Maya, can I please stop watching Nickle Samurai? It's starting to get on my nerves, not to mention I have to really go to the bathroom."

Phoenix looks over to his left on the couch and sees Maya watching the show with wide-open, unblinking eyes. Seeing that Maya is completely engrossed in the episode, Phoenix tries to slowly get off the couch and make his escape, but before he can, Maya grabs his sleeve and keeps him seated on the couch.

Maya partially turns her head so one eye is focused on Phoenix while the other is focused on the show. "No Nick, this is a monumental occasion in the Samurai series' history! Plus, you can never get enough Nickel Samurai. It's like the t.v. show version of burgers."

"Then I must be the exception after having watched this childish show for ten consecutive hours. Now can I please get up and use the restroom?" Phoenix states in an irritated, deadpan voice as he tries again to get up from the couch, only to be forcibly seated yet again by Maya.

"That's just the geezer inside you talking. I'm telling you, Nick, 14 more hours of the Nickle Samurai and you'll be a new man; one that will buy me more burgers, nag me less, and won't have a toilet cleaning fetish!" Maya cheerfully affirms with a grin and a nod.

Just as Phoenix fears that he'll never escape, he hears a knock at the door. "I'll get it!" Phoenix states as he quickly gets to his feet and scurries to the door.

In Phoenix's mind, it's probably the Angel of Death here to claim his soul, but as long as it gets him out of watching Nickle Samurai, then it doesn't matter in the slightest. Though his thoughts of blissful relief are replaced with dread when he opens the door and sees Franziska, grinding her teeth in anger, squeezing the life from the handle of a basket with what looks to be the remains of a plant in it.

Phoenix looks up to the ceiling "When I guessed the Angel of Death, I didn't think that I would be correct!" Phoenix whines.

Franziska whips Phoenix. "I am not in the mood for your foolish tomfoolery, Phoenix Wright! Do you know what this is?" Franziska snaps as she holds up the destroyed plant.

"Something that was at one time a plant… I think?" Phoenix replies, confused as to why Franziska would ask him this.

"Correct. Care to guess as to how my fern ended up in its current state?" Franziska asks through clenched teeth, squeezing the poor handle even harder.

"Coming from personal experience, I'd wager that it beat you in court and was whipped to tears as a result. Phoenix replies with a big smile on his face, knowing that even though he's going to get the whipping of a lifetime, it was worth it.

Franziska whips Phoenix several times. "Hardy har har, very funny, Phoenix Wright. I'll have you know that my cherished $1,000 fern was destroyed by…" Pearl walks by the door while carrying Shoe. "THAT CAT!" Franziska yells at the top of her lungs as she points an accusing finger at Shoe.

Franziska then proceeds to violently push Phoenix out of her way, causing his face to slam against a wall, as she storms into the office and marches up to Pearl. "Put the cat in this basket, little girl." Franziska commands as she extends the basket towards Pearl.

Pearl pulls Shoe even closer to her. "No, you can't take Shoe away, Ms. Scary Prosecutor Lady! It wasn't Shoe's fault that I wasn't paying attention when we walked by your house. I promise that it'll never ever happen again. If you want to punish someone, then punish me!" Pearl states with tears welling in her eyes.

"That's touching and all, but we have laws protecting perfect, upstanding citizens like me from foolish animals that destroy shrubbery. Now put the cat in the basket and I won't have to incarcerate anyone."

Maya, hearing Franziska bully her little cousin, stops watching Nickle Samurai and, with puffed cheeks and clenched fists, assertively walks up to Franziska.

Maya puts her hands to her hips and stiffens her posture in an attempt to strike fear into the young prosecutor. "Pearly said she was sorry and that it'll never happen again, so what more do you want!?"

Franziska, unfazed by Maya's display of authority, whips the perky medium. "I want to personally have that foolish cat destroyed so it can't vandalize my lawn ever again." Franziska punctuates with a stomp of her foot.

Maya brings Pearl and Shoe to her side. "You know, Ms. von Karma, you may be some high-profile prosecutor, but that doesn't give you the give you the right to bully MY little cousin or her cat!"

"Or the owner of this office whose nose may or may not be broken." Phoenix chimes in while gripping his nose.

"Regardless of what you think, Maya Fey, the law is on my side. In fact, I have a note from the Chief of Police himself giving me permission to eliminate that foolish cat." Franziska says with a triumphant smirk as she pulls out a note and hands it to Maya.

Maya reads the note to herself. "Yep, it looks like Ms. von Karma is telling the truth and we'll face jail time if we don't give Shoe to her…" A mischievous look forms on Maya's face as she crumples up the note into a ball and throws it off to the side. "But we don't care because we live life on the edge! Attica! Attica!" Maya cheerfully yells while pumping her fists.

Phoenix then proceeds to pick up the crumped note and reads it. Phoenix then gives a reluctant sigh, walks over to Pearl, and tries to take Shoe from her, but she takes a step back and glares at attorney.

"No, I won't let that scary prosecutor lady take him! I'll slap her if she tries!" Pearl tries to charge at Franziska, but Phoenix restrains her by holding her arm.

"I'm sorry, Pearl, but it's the law…" Phoenix takes Shoe out of Pearl's hands and puts him in the basket.

"At least someone here isn't a complete fool." Franziska remarks with a smirk.

"What the heck, Nick!? Why'd you hand over Shoe to that which!?" Maya pouts.

"I can't go to jail, Maya. I've sent nine people there and I personally don't want to live with the fear of dropping the soap in front of Redd White." Phoenix says, cringing at the thought.

Upon realizing that Phoenix betrayed her, Pearl runs out of the office crying; to which Maya responds by flashing Franziska a scowl. Franziska von Karma, for these past few months I've been dying to tell you what I thought of you, but since we're in T-rated content, I can't say it!" In response, Franziska simply whips Maya once and Phoenix five times before leaving the office without saying a single word.

When Franziska exits the building with the basket, she gets on a pink, flowery bike that is clearly too small for her and hangs the basket on the right handlebar.

"Curse my foolish car for breaking down! Curse Miles Edgeworth and Scruffy for being unable to pick me up! Curse my foolish sister for only being able to lend me my niece's foolishly foolish bike!" Franziska pouts as she pedals away from the building.

Meanwhile, Pearl, saddened by the loss of her cat, is sitting on a nearby curb as she quietly sobs to herself. Fortunately, her crying is interrupted when she hears a meow. When Pearl looks up, she sees Shoe, who managed to escape from the basket when Franziska wasn't looking, walking down the street towards her.

"Shoe!" Pearl chirps as she rushes over to the cat and scoops it up in her arms with tears streaming down her face. "I thought that I'd never see you ever again! But if you're here, then Ms. Scary Prosecutor Lady will come back to take you away and Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya will let it happen. That's why we'll run away; far, far away to a place where no one can hurt you."

Pearl, with Shoe in tow, walks away from the building. For the next 30 minutes, Pearl keeps walking, never stopping for anything. Her journey leads her past a wide variety of places: including a strange restraint with a strange man in pink, a park where an old man is yelling at pigeons and a building where from the window, a big, orange man is acting skittish around a creepy woman. Eventually, Pearl reaches a towering barbed wire fence that has a hole at the bottom small enough for her to squeeze through.

Even though Pearl has no idea what could be behind this imposing fence, it's better than Phoenix and Maya giving shoe up to that scary prosecutor lady, so Pearl crawls through the hole and unwittingly enters a prison's recreational area; which is evident by many men in prison garbs doing leisure activities, such as jogging, talking, and throwing rocks at Frank Sahwit.

As Pearl explores her surroundings, she accidently bumps into a man with wavy, black hair with a blond stripe running down the middle who is flashing her glare that could kill.

Pearl puts a hand over her mouth to show her regret. "Pardon me, mister. I wasn't watching where I was going. Please forgive my rudeness."

The man just stands there speechless, seething in anger as he lets out a low, guttural growl. Pearl, being the naïve girl that she is, takes his lack of speech as a sign of forgiveness and decides to go on her way; but before she can leave, Wellington grabs her shoulder with a firm grasp.

"And where do you think you're going, runt? We still have unfinished business." The man says through clenched teeth.

Pearl meanwhile is shaking like a leaf as she realizes that she can't escape from this creepy man. "I-I said I was sorry, mister."

"Do you know who I am, you third-rate peasant? I am Richard Wellington; the most refined first-class genius this side of the Mississippi whose attire was wrinkled and composure rattled by your boorish lack of vigilance and no amount of 'sorries' will change that fact." Wellington sneers as he shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head. "No matter, I've heard that blood is a good way to remove wrinkles…" Wellington remarks as he pulls out a shank, which consists of a razor blade glued onto a toothbrush, and causes Pearl to whimper.

Before Wellington can harm Pearl, he is hit on the back of the head by a pipe and falls to the ground unconscious. When Pearl turns around to see her savior, she sees a tall, muscular man with white hair holding a steel pipe and giving her a disturbingly distant stare, which causes Pearl to scream in terror.

Upon hearing the little girl's screams of terror, the man quickly changes his look to that of a warm smile. "Sorry, force of habit. Well, I'm Damon Gant, what's your name?"

Pearl stares down at the ground, refusing to make eye contact with this imposing giant of a man before her. "M-My name is P-Pearl Fey, Mr. Gant."

Gant puts his pipe down and clasps his hands together as a sign of goodwill. "Mr. Gant was my father's name, call me Damon, Pearlsy." Gant says in the warm voice that made everyone at the Precinct feel safe when he was the Police Chief.

Pearl, feeling a tiny bit more comfortable around Gant, looks up to see his face. "Ok, Mr. Damon."

For Gant, he can't help but wonder what this little girl is doing here. She can't possibly be one of the guards' kids on account that he knows all of their information and has even gone swimming with most of them. So Gant decides to use his interrogation skills to learn more about this strangely dressed girl.

"As you've seen with Welly, this isn't a safe place for little girls; so what brings you here, Pearlsy?" Gant says with a slightly more serious tone as he plays with the tip of his hair.

"I'm running away. Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya want to give my cat to the scary prosecutor lady so that she can destroy him with her whip."

Gant lets out a small chuckle to himself, knowing that this 'scary prosecutor lady' is probably little Franny and remembers how she would threaten to whip him with her riding crop whenever Manny would bring her over to the Precinct. But those memories aren't important now, since this little girl needs his help to make sure that she stays safe. And while he hates lying to children, it's for her own safety.

"Pearlsy, did you know that I have psychic powers?" Gant says as he straightens his shirt's collar.

"So what can you tell me, Mr. Damon?"

"Well, I can tell you about your life, even though I just met you. Just grab my hand and we can start." Gant extends his hand to Pearl, which she reluctantly grabs.

"It's foggy, but I'm starting to see something… It's getting clearer and- oh my, this isn't good." Gant says in a tone of apprehension.

"What? What is it Mr. Damon?"

"I see a woman who looks very, very sad." Gant frowns and furrows his brow.

"Why is she sad?" Pearl asks out of curiosity.

"She's sad because someone who she loves very dearly has gone missing. It seems like she's calling out to someone. I can't completely understand her, but I think she's saying 'Pearl'."

Pearl gasps. "That's my name! Maybe it's Mystic Maya."

"I can't say for certain who it is, Pearlsy, but it's someone who she's been very kind to, someone who she's taken care of in times of both sickness and health."

"Well, there was that one time when I had a cold and Mystic Maya made Mr. Nick buy me burgers to make me feel better." Pearl bites her thumb, feelin guilty about leaving the two people in this world who love her unconditionally.

Gant gasps. "What's this!? She's sitting in a chair and is putting her hand on her heart.

"Oh no! Mystic Maya is having a heart attack from all of the burgers that she eats, just like Mr. Nick warned her! I have to get back to her! Thanks for telling me this, Mr. Damon!" Pearl yells as she runs over to the fence and crawls through the hole.

At that moment, the wind starts to pick up as the prisoners are called back in on account of there being a tornado warning.

"I hope that little girl will be alright…" Gant says with concern as he fiddles with his hair.

By the time Pearl returns to the Law Firm, the winds have really picked and it takes all of her strength just to open the door and enter the building. When Pearl enters Phoenix's office, she notices that the television is off and no one is in the office. As she runs around the room, yelling Maya and Nick's names at the top of her lungs, the tornado that's approaching the building causes a trashcan to break through the window and hit Pearl in the head, knocking her to the ground and rendering her unconscious. As Pearl lies limp on the ground, the tornado rips the office away from the rest of the building and sends it soaring high into the sky.

When Pearl wakes up, she is relieved to see that Shoe is unharmed, but is unsettled by the fact that the office is being lifted into the air by the massive twister. This feeling is only cemented when she sees some weird things flying past the office: an obese man clinging ono a painting of a fisherman, a guy in an orange coat standing between two women as they repeatedly slap him, though he seems to be enjoying it, and a scruffy old man in a brown sock cap simultaneously rowing a boat and preparing noodles while a red parrot on his shoulder squawks the lyrics to the song 'Banana Phone'. But what turns Pearl's uneasiness into pure terror is when she sees Franziska, who is riding on her niece's pink bicycle, turn into a witch flying on a broomstick.

As Franziska lets out a high-pitched cackle and flies away, Pearl feels the office quickly falling to the ground. As the office begins to fall faster and faster by the second, Pearl clings to Shoe for dear life as she screams, thinking that this would be her end. Fortunately, when the house hits the ground, Pearl finds that she and Shoe are unscathed.

Out of curiosity to see if the storm has stopped, Pearl opens the office door to see how things are outside. However, instead of seeing the bustling city that she's started to get used to, she sees a colorful village with several small homes and a large variety of trees and flowers.

"Shoe, I don't think that we're in Cally-fornia anymore…" Pearl nervously notes as she surveys her surroundings.


	2. Welcome to Munchkin Land, My Foolish

**A/N:** Given how long it took me to write a simple swing song, I will only be parodying the Scarecrow's song for this parody given as how I personally find it to be the easiest to work with. Also, the Wicked Witch of the Prosecutor's Office's name is pronounced Es-pee-elle. I didn't feel like referring to her as the Wicked Witch of the Prosecutor's Office every time she came up in the story, so I felt like giving her a regular name like Glinda has. In case you're curious, I based her name off of the phonetic pronunciation of the initials of the name Scary Prosecutor Lady, which is what I have Pearl refer to Franziska in all of my fanfics. Anyways, sorry for my rambling; I hope that you enjoy this next chapter.

* * *

As Pearl steps out of the office, with Shoe in arm, she notices how the town is completely devoid of life, with the exception of a few indistinguishable whispers that she can't locate. When Pearl reaches the center of the town, she sees a purple bubble slowly descending from the sky towards her and when it reaches the ground, it turns into a woman who looks exactly like Maya; however, unlike Maya, this woman is wearing a frilly, purple dress, a tall, golden crown, and is carrying a staff with a large burger attached to its top.

The Maya-esque woman points her staff at Pearl and puffs up her cheeks in preparation for a fight. "Spill it! So are you a good witch or a bad witch?"

Pearl cocks her head in confusion. "What are you talking about Mystic Maya? It's me, Pearl. I'm not a witch; I'm a spirit medium from Cali-fornia just like you. Speaking of which, why aren't you wearing your robes? You know that the Kurain Elders will give you a lecture if they found out that you broke tradition.

"So if you're not the witch, then is it that creature in your arms?" The Maya-esque woman asks with a determined look on her face as she points her staff at Shoe.

Pearl quickly looks at Shoe to make sure the woman isn't referring to anything else before giving her eye contact once more. "Mystic Maya, you know that Shoe is my cat and not a witch."

The Maya-esque woman slams the end of her staff on the ground to signify her impatience. "Well, if you or your cat isn't the witch, then explain how your building crushed killed the Wicked Witch of the Witness Stand?"

Pearl lightly bites the tip of her thumb out of nervousness. "I don't know what you're talking about, Mystic Maya. I didn't kill anyone."

The Maya-esque woman points her staff at the office. "Well, there's the building…" The Maya-esque woman then points her staff to the pair of lanky legs, of which the most notable feature about them is the pair of black boots that they are wearing, sticking out from underneath the office. "…and that's all that's left of the Wicked Witch of the Witness Stand."

Pearl puts a hand to her mouth as she gasps. "M-Mystic Maya, I didn't mean to kill anyone! P-Please don't lock me away in prison like Mr. Nick does with all the bad people that he sees!" Pearl begs in a shaky voice as tears stream down her face.

The Maya-esque woman cocks her head in confusion." 'Mystic Maya?' 'Mr. Nick?' Are they the sorcerers who taught you your magic?"

"No, I'm not a witch because witches are ugly and evil and Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya always say that I'm a good, cute girl!" Pearl says with a determined look as she rolls up the sleeve of her robe and makes a fist.

Pearl and the woman then hear giggles from all around the town.

"Why are they laughing? Was it something that I said?" Pearl asks as she looks around.

The Maya-esque woman shakes her head. "They're laughing because I'm a witch. You see, only evil witches are ugly. And for the record, I'm Glinda, the Good Witch of Burgers and the protector of the Munchkins in this village; so stop calling me 'Mystic Maya'!" Glinda puffs her cheeks out in irritation.

"Pearl lowers her head in sadness. "Sorry, it's just that you look and act like my cousin, Mystic Maya."

"Well, if your cousin is as lovely as Yours Truly, then I'll take that as a complement!" Glinda says as she pats Pearl on the head.

The burger witch then raises her hands in the air. "Come on out, guys! You're finally free to listen to modern music without having to listen to a lecture!" Glinda bellows at the top of her lungs.

Suddenly, from areas all around the town, many people who are about Pearl's size come to the center of the town to see their savior.

"Aw! They're so cute!" Pearl chirps.

A plump man in a green suit approaches Pearl. "As the mayor of Munchkin Land in this great land of Groz, I welcome you to our humble town, Ms. Pearl. But before we celebrate your victory over that dastardly witch, we must first have the coroner make sure that she is truly dead."

An old lady, with the help of a young nurse that is slightly taller than her, shuffles over to where the witch has been crushed. After giving the crone's legs one swift kick, she whispers something in the young nurse's ear.

"Granny says that the she is not just merely dead, but positively, absolutely, undeniably, sincerely dead!" The young nurse cheers as she repeats what the old coroner is whispering to her.

The mayor clears his throat. "Then it's settled. Today is a momentous day that shall be remembered in history for many generations; for today is the day in which we are finally free! Come now, Munchkins, sing the praises of Pearl Fey, the savior of Munchkin Land!"

The munchkins start to sing about how noble and benevolent Pearl is when suddenly; a pillar of flames appears with a loud bang near the office. The Munchkins stop their singing and are left stunned when a green skinned woman, who looks exactly like Franziska, wearing a black cloak and pointed hat emerges from the flames and approaches the office.

Pearl tugs on Glinda's sleeve. "Ms. Glinda, I thought you said that she was dead."

Glinda shakes her head. "That was her sister, the Wicked Witch of the Witness Stand. This is her sister, the Wicked Witch of the Prosecutor's Office, Espeelle, and while she is way uglier than me, she much more powerful than her sister."

Espeelle approaches Pearl and Glinda. "Who killed my beautiful sister? Was it you Glinda!?" Espeelle growls as she pulls out a bullwhip.

"I didn't do it! She did!" Glinda points at Pearl and takes a step back.

Espeelle stares into the little girl's teary eyes with a fiery gaze. "Little girl, do you know what you've done? You've foolishly killed my beautifully evil sister!"

Pearl starts to weep as she brings Shoe in closer to her body for protection. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt your sister. It was an accident! Honestly, Ms. Scary Witch!"

Espeelle puts her hand to her hips. "Well, my foolish, I can cause accidents too!"

"I didn't think that you cared so much for your sister, Espeelle. I always thought that you'd steal her Boron Booties as soon as you heard that she was dead." Glinda chimes in.

A sinister, malicious, evil grin spreads across Espeelle's face as she rushes over to her sister's corpse. "That's right! With the Boron Booties at my disposal, I'll be the most powerful witch in all of Groz!"

But before Espeelle can steal the boots, they vanish from the Witch of the Witness Stand's feet, which causes her legs to shrivel up and disappear underneath the house, and appear on Pearl's feet.

"Sorry Espeelle, but those slippers are now bound to Pearly's feet and there they shall stay until the day she dies!" Glinda sneers as she gives the witch a raspberry.

Espeelle turns to Pearl, cracks her whip, and waggles her finger. "Well, I guess that we'll have to change that now, won't we?" Espeelle glowers at Pearl as her whip is engulfed in flames.

"Burger!" Glinda yells as she summons a hamburger from her staff and fires it at Espeelle, which hits her in the face and causes her whip to return to normal.

Espeelle squeezes her whip. "How dare you defy me, Glinda!? I'll-"

"Burger!" Glinda yells as she hit Espeelle in the face with another hamburger.

"I-"

"Burger!" Espeelle is hit in the face with another hamburger.

"You-"

"Burger!" Espeelle is hit in the face with another hamburger.

"Will you stop flinging your foolish burgers at me for one second!?" Espeelle growls as she flashes Glinda a death glare.

Seeing that Glinda is no longer attacking her, Espeelle engulfs her whip in flames once more as a sadistic grin spreads across her face.

"Bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-burger!" Glinda yells as she flings burgers rapid-fire at Espeelle until the evil witch is buried under a large mound of hamburgers.

With a loud, shrill scream, Espelle bursts out of the pile of hamburgers, sending the many sandwiches flying off in various directions, while staring daggers at Glinda and Pearl.

"Enough! You may have been lucky this time, little girl; but one of these days, that luck is going to run out; and when that day comes, I'll get you, my foolish, and your little cat too; and then I shall finally claim what is rightfully mine!" With a loud, high-pitched cackle, Espeelle disappears in the same way that she appeared in Munchkin Land.

After she is certain that Espeelle has truly left, Glinda gently pats Pearl, who is still shaking from the whole ordeal, on the shoulder. "It seems that you've already made a powerful enemy today."

"You think!? Why'd you have to tell her about those stupid booties, Ms. Glinda?" Pearl snaps as she wipes the tears out of her eyes?

"Look, it was a slip of the tongue and I'm sorry; but don't worry, you'll be fine!" Glinda says with a wave of her hands and a warm smile.

"Still, how will I get back to Cali-fornia? Mystic Maya and Mr. Nick must be worried sick about me." Pearl says with guilt in her voice as she looks down at the ground.

"Go to the Ruby City and see the great wizard Groz. He'll know how to get you back home."

Pearl lightly bites the tip of her thumb. "I-Is Mr. Groz a bad man?"

"No, he's very nice, but very mysterious and complex, like me."

"So how do I get to the Ruby City, Ms. Glinda?"

"Well, if you use your magic umbrella, then you'll get there in no time!" Glinda jovially states with an energetic nod.

"B-But I don't have a magic umbrella." Pearl nervously retorts.

Glinda puffs her cheeks. "Well, in that case, you're gonna have to be a geezer like the Warlock of Toilets and take the Orange Stone Path to get there!" Glinda points her staff at the orange road next to Pearl that leads out of town.

As Pearl walks down the road, she turns around to face Glinda. "Ms. Glinda? Will you come with me in case that nasty witch decides to attack me?"

Glinda shakes her head. "Sorry Pearly, but I have to stay here and protect the Munchkins."

"Goodbye Ms. Glinda, wish me luck!" Pearl chirps as she runs down the Orange Stone Road and out of town.


	3. The Scruffy Scarecrow

As Pearl walks down the Orange Stone Road, she comes across a fork in the road with a small cornfield, surrounded by a low-lying fence, in the land between the diverging paths.

Pearl pauses to decide which path to take. "Hmm… Now which way should we go, Shoe? The small cat meows as Pearl's eyes dart between the two roads before her.

"If you ask me, that path looks pretty good, pal." A mysterious voice states, much to Pearl's surprise.

When Pearl looks to the cornfield to see who gave her that advice, she only notices a scarecrow, which resembles Gumshoe, musty, green trench coat and all, attached to a pole and pointing to the path on her right.

Pearl lightly rubs her forehead. "I must be imagining things Shoe; scarecrows don't talk."

"But that other way is pretty pleasant." The scarecrow is now pointing to the path on Pearl's left, further confusing the young girl.

"S-Shoe… Wasn't that scarecrow pointing the other way?" Pearl nervously asks as she grips her cat.

"Of course, I see many people going down both paths, so you're guess is as good as mine, pal." The scarecrow is now pointing to both paths.

Pearl gasps. "You did talk to me, didn't you?"

"Yes…? Err, no…? Maybe…? Is this some trick question, pal!?" The Scarecrow asks with a look of frustration on his face, the question clearly stumping the poor thing.

"Are you joking around with me, or are you unable to make up your mind?" Pearl asks as she approaches the fence in front of the Scarecrow.

The scarecrow looks at Pearl with a look of sadness in his eyes, the guilt he is feeling about his indecisiveness showing. "I don't have a mind, pal; only straw…" The Scarecrow lifts up his hat to reveal some yellow hay seeping out of some torn patches on the top of his head.

Pearl bites her thumb. "I don't know much about the world, but how can you speak and move if you don't have a brain? That's a con-tra-dick-shun, as Mr. Nick would say."

The Scarecrow shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know; but some of the loudest, most obnoxious people out there have no brains: politicians and people in internet chatrooms, to name a few."

Pearl steps over the fence so that she is right in front of the Scarecrow. "So how are you doing?"

Not knowing how to respond, the Scarecrow decides to parrot Pearl in order to look semi-competent. "How are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine!" Pearl chirps.

A frown spreads across the Scarecrows face which is in direct contrast to the smile that Pearl is wearing. "Well, it's hard to feel fine when you're stuck up here every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day, of every month, of every year for seven long years with a pole up your back, pal."

Pearl lowers her head in sadness as her smile is replaced with a frown matching that of her new scarecrow friend. "That's sounds painful! Is there some way that I could help you get down?"

The Scarecrow cocks his head as he tries to come up with a solution. "Well, I'm not the best at coming up with solutions, but if you bend the nail holding me in place, then I should fa-" The Scarecrow is interrupted by Pearl bending the nail which causes him to fall to the ground with a thump, a small amount of straw popping out of his torso upon impact.

"There goes some more of me!" The Scarecrow notes with a chuckle, a fry cry from the screams of pain that Pearl hears when a person is injured.

Pearl gasps, concerned with her new friend's fatal-looking injury. "Did that hurt, Mr. Scarecrow!?"

The Scarecrow casually gets up off the ground as he nonchalantly stuffs the straw back inside his torso as if this is a regular occurrence. "Don't worry about it, pal, whenever it falls out, I just stick it right back in. Fire, on the other hand, is a whole different ballpark because if even a single cinder touches me, I'll burn up in the blink of an eye." The Scarecrow walks towards the fence. "But I shouldn't focus on that, because I'm finally fre-AAAAGHHH!" The Scarecrow yells as he trips over the fence, causing Pearl to shriek and run over to his side.

"Did I scare you?" The Scarecrow asks with a look of hope in his eyes.

Pearl shakes her head as she helps the Scarecrow up. "No, I was just worried that you injured yourself."

A small murder of crows, which all look very similar to Winston Payne, descend upon the cornfield and start casually eating the crops, prompting the Scarecrow to sigh. "Figures…"

The Scarecrow gets himself up off of the ground and storms over to the crows. "Go away! Get outta hear you filthy moochers!" The Scarecrow yells while flailing his arms at the crows, causing them to caw at him in a manner similar to laughter as they continue to eat the corn.

The Scarecrow stomps his foot in anger as he lets out a low growl. "Why can't I scare these stupid crows?"

"Well, maybe it's because you're a nice scarecrow and they want to be your friends."

"That's fine and all, pal, but I was made specifically to scare crows; it's even in my name. If I can't scare crows, then I might as well be cow chow." The Scarecrow sighs. "If only I had a brain, then I could do something with my life…" The Scarecrow looks up to the sky, contemplating what he could become.

Pearl tugs at the Scarecrow's trench coat, snapping him back to reality. "Well, what would you do?"

"Well, I'll tell you… in song!"

The Scarecrow then starts to sing about what he'd do if he had a mind.

 _I could think through the minutes, brainstorming in some tin huts,_

 _Pondering nature's grace._

 _And my noggin I'd be rubbin' while_

 _My thoughts were busy bubblin'_

 _If I only had a mind._

 _I'd solve any trick, for guys named Mike or Mick,_

 _Without a single hitch or bind._

 _With the concepts I'd be thunkin'_

 _I could be the next Duncan_

 _If I only I had a mind._

 _Oh, I could explain how the noon sky is colored blue._

 _I could have thoughts I never once knew._

 _Then I'd think, as if on cue._

 _My thoughts would never stray, my head all full of hay,_

 _My being maligned._

 _I'd be able to suffice, cool as a brick of ice,_

 _If I only had a mind._

Pearl claps her hands as the Scarecrow finishes his song. "Wow! If Scarecrows could do that in Cali-fornia, then every bird and Mr. Nick would be running scared!"

"Where is this 'California' place?"

"It's where I live with Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya; they're special someones, you know; and I want to get back there really, really badly. That's why I'm on my way to the Ruby City to get the Wizard of Groz to help me."

The Scarecrows eyes widen as he hears about Pearl's quest. "You're gonna see a wizard, pal? Do you think that if I came with you, he would give me a brain?"

"I don't know for certain if Mr. Groz will even help me, let alone you; but even if he doesn't help you, you won't lose anything… But then again, maybe you shouldn't come with me. There's this nasty, scary witch who's after me and you might get into trouble…" Pearl says with a look of guilt.

But instead of giving up, the Scarecrow lets out a hearty laugh as he puffs his chest. "A witch? I not afraid of some witch, pal. Heck, since I don't have a brain, I'm not afraid of anything; except, of course, fire because of the whole 'death' thing; but I'd face an entire forest fire just for the chance to get a brain."

"I don't know…"

"Please let me come with you, pal. I won't be any trouble because I can't think; and I won't try to manage things because the last time I did, the farmer here yelled at me. To further his argument, the Scarecrow flashes Pearl best puppy dog eyes.

Pearl happily nods. "Of course I'll take you along, Mr. Scarecrow."

The Scarecrow pumps his fist as he gives Pearl a smile of pure joy. "Thanks, pal! I promise you won't regret this!"

"Well, since we're going to be traveling together, I should introduce myself. I'm Pearl Fey. Pleased to meet you." Pearl extends an open hand to the Scarecrow, which he vigorously shakes, causing the young spirit mediums entire body to shake as well.

"Well Pearl, I'm… I'm… I don't have a name…" The Scarecrow casts his eyes to the ground in embarrassment.

Pearl pats the Scarecrow's shoulder. "Don't worry; I'll give you a name. Since you look like a scruffy detective that I know, how about Scruffy Scarecrow?"

A big grin spreads across the Scarecrow's face as he perks up. "That's the best name ever, pal! Let's go see that wizard!"

Scruffy Scarecrow grabs Pearl by the arm and rushes down the path to her right at an alarmingly fast pace as the young girl tries to keep her balance and a firm grip on Shoe.


	4. Three Makes a Crowd

After walking down the Orange Stone Road for some time, Scruffy Scarecrow notices that Pearl's pace has really slowed down and that her shoulders are slumped due to exhaustion.

"Is something wrong, Pearl? You seem to be a bit down. I thought that you'd be more excited to meet with the Wizard." Scruffy Scarecrow says with a look of concern on his face as he crouches down so that he is eye-to-eye with his young companion.

"I am excited, Mr. Scruffy Scarecrow, but my feet are starting to get tired; not to mention, I'm starting to feel hungry." Pearl states in a sullen voice as she rubs her stomach which responds with a small growl as if on cue.

Scruffy Scarecrow cocks his head in confusion. "What's this 'hunger' thing, pal? Is it some sort of deadly disease? Are you gonna die from it? You can't die on me, pal! Don't go towards the light!" Scruffy Scarecrow yells as he vigorously shakes Pearl's shoulders.

"I'm not going to die, Mr. Scruffy Scarecrow!" Pearl grabs onto the scarecrow's broad, straw-filled arms in an attempt to keep her body still.

Scruffy Scarecrow stops shaking her. "Well, then why are you so weak from 'hunger'?"

"You don't know what hunger is?"

"Well, I'm a scarecrow, so I don't know all that much about other living things, pal." Scruffy Scarecrow says with a look of shame on his face, embarrassed that his lack of a brain is starting to show again.

"It's not all that complicated, honest. You see, if I don't eat anything for a few hours, my body will slow down and will not work all that well."

Scruffy Scarecrow rubs his chin as he tries to make a connection between Pearl's explanation and his day-to-day life. "So for you, 'hunger' is like what happens when the stove in the Farmer's house starts to run low on fuel and it starts to go cold, right?"

"You could say that." Pearl states, causing Scruffy Scarecrow to puff out his chest in pride as a big, goofy grin spreads across his face. "But where am I going to find some food in a place like this?" Pearl asks as she nervously bites her thumb.

"From what I've heard from people passing by my cornfield, the apples in this area make for a tasty snack; so why don't we just grab a few from one of those trees in that orchard over there?" Scruffy Scarecrow suggests as he points to a few apple trees in a nearby field.

"I don't know… Mr. Nick's been telling me that I need to eat more fruit to get more fi-bur in my diet, but Mystic Maya always tells me that apples and other fruits are yucky and were created by the government to control our minds."

Scruffy Scarecrow shrugs his shoulders. "Like I said before, I'm not managing anything, so the choice is all yours, pal."

Pearl, giving in to the pain in her stomach, goes over to one of the wider trees, which has two branches that resemble a mustache, where she spots the biggest, reddest, juiciest looking apple that she has ever seen, causing her mouth to slightly water as she licks her lips. Pearl then plucks the apple off of the branch and is about to eat it when suddenly it is slapped out of her hand by the same branch that she picked it from.

"What are you doing, petite fille? Zat eez moi apple and eez not for you!" The Tree says in a whiny, effeminate voice with a look of transgression on his face.

Pearl gasps. "You can talk?"

"Absolument, and 'ow would you like it if I tried to pluck something off of you!" The Tree huffs as he pulls at Pearl's pretzel-like hair with one of his branches, causing her to yelp in pain.

Scruffy Scarecrow intervenes by grabbing Pearl by the hand and leading her out of the orchard and out of the tree's reach. "C'mon, Pearl, you don't want any of THOSE apples."

"And just what eez wrong with mes apples!?" The Tree growls as he clenches his teeth.

"Well, it's just that I don't think that my friend here wants to eat unripe apples teeming with little, green worms in them." Scruffy Scarecrow says in an uncharacteristically smug manner.

The Tree emits a high-pitched shriek as he tries to hold back the tears forming in his eyes. "'Ow dare you insult my apples, monsieur?! Zey are zee best apples in all of Groz! Well, if la fille wants zee apples, then 'ow about these!?" The tree yells as he starts throwing apples at the duo.

"And that's how you get apples, pal. Now help me pick them up." Scruffy Scarecrow whispers to Pearl as he starts picking up the apples by his feet, to which Pearl replies with a simple nod.

While searching the nearby area for apples, Pearl stumbles upon a man made of tin, frozen in place, who has a large, cylindrical body and is holding a sword as if he is fighting something, whose face and hair bear an uncanny resemblance to Edgeworth.

As Pearl stares at the man in awe, Scruffy Scarecrow approaches her with a bunch of apples. "Don't worry, Pearl, with these apples, we'll get rid of your hunger in no time!" Scruffy Scarecrow notices the man, causing him to drop the apples. "So what do you think is the deal with this tin statue?"

"I don't know, Mr. Scruffy Scarecrow." Pearl taps the Tin Man's chest to further investigate the manner, to which he responds by trying to talk through sealed lips.

"Oilcan…" The Tin Man squeaks out, though unclearly thanks to his current status.

Scruffy Scarecrow scratches his head. "Mail ham? Is that what people do nowadays during the holidays?"

"Oilcan…" The Tin Man squeaks out again.

"Toil tram? Is that some sort of vehicle used for torture?"

"Oilcan…!" The Tin Man squeaks out in an irritated tone.

"Boil Pam? Now what did Pam ever do to you, pal?"

Pearl notices an oilcan on a nearby tree stump and picks it up. "I think that he may be referring to this oilcan, Mr. Scruffy Scarecrow."

Scruffy Scarecrow shakes his head. "Don't be ridiculous, pal. He's obviously saying that he wants to boil some lady named Pam. Now where can we find this Pam…?"

Pearl applies some oil to the Tin Man's sealed lips, allowing them to move.

The Tin Man breathes a sigh of relief. "Thank you! I can finally speak again. Now, I would appreciate it I you could oil my arms and legs as well."

Pearl complies and oils the Tin Man's other joints, allowing them to move once more; albeit with a few groans and creaks on account of them being frozen in place for so long.

"Young lady, I am truly grateful for you freeing me from my torment." The Tin Man says as he bows to Pearl exactly like Edgeworth is known to do.

"Don't mention it, Mr. Tin Man!"

The Tin Man grabs the oilcan out of Pearl's hands and hits Scruffy Scarecrow's shoulder with it. "Oilcan! Oilcan! Oilcan! How is it that a child could understand what I was asking but yet you couldn't?"

Scruffy Scarecrow rubs his wounded shoulder. "Sorry about that, pal, but maybe people would understand you better if you enunciate."

"Yes, I'll take note of that next time my lips are SEALED SHUT! Do you even have a brain in that thick skull of yours?" The Tin Man yells out with a fiery look in his eyes.

"No, I don't! Do YOU have a heart in that tin can that you call a body, pal?!" Scruffy Scarecrow angrily retorts.

Suddenly, the Tin Man's rage is replaced with a feeling of sadness, the fiery anger that filled his eyes turned to cold bitterness. "No, I don't… Well, at least not anymore…" The Tin Man lets out a deep sigh as he sits on the same stump that Pearl found the oilcan on.

"What do you mean by that, Mr. Tin Man?" Pearl asks with a look of concern.

"Well, my dear lass, I wasn't always the metal man that you see before you today; but rather, a man who was struck down in the name of love. My story begin in the small town of Munchkin Land, where I, Nicholas Canon, was one of the most renowned prosecutors in all of Groz; famed for not only my powers of deduction and argument, but also the loving relationship that I shared with a beautiful Munchkin girl by the name of Nimmie Amee, who worked as a housekeeper. However, those happy days were brought to an end when Nimmie's employer, the Wicked Witch of the Witness Stand, heard of our romance and sought to end our relationship once and for all out of fear of losing her housekeeper and her unsettling attraction towards me. Knowing that I am a huge fan of the 'Silver Warrior' television show, she sent me a sword that was used by the Silver Warrior himself; though unbeknownst to me at the time, she had enchanted the sword so that every time I swung it, I would sever off one of my limbs. First my arms, then my legs, followed by my head, and then finally my torso was severed in two, including my heart…. And each time I would lose a limb, the local tinsmith would make me a new one out of tin; but he wasn't able to make me a heart. Without my heart, I could no longer feel love, so I left Nimmie and my life in Munchkin Land to live here alone as a sad shell of my former self, both figuratively and literally. And one day, while I was out roleplaying, a rainstorm passed by causing my body to rust and be stuck in the pose that you saw when you found me."

Upon finishing his story, Canon is shocked when Pearl starts crying and hugging him.

Canon gently pushes Pearl away from him. "I know that it's a sad story and all, but please don't cry on me, lest I be rusted in place on this stump."

"B-But I can't help it! You had a special someone that was taken away from you by that mean, old witch! Special someones should be together forever and ever, not separated!" Pearl wails as tears stream down her face.

Canon pats her on the head. "Don't cry for me, little one, for without a heart, how can I feel anything? Like I said, I am a hollow…" Cannon pounds his chest three times, causing it to echo. "See?"

"Hey, nice echo, pal!" Scruffy Scarecrow chimes in, warranting him a look of irritation from Canon.

"Yet again, I am thankful for your assistance. May your journey to wherever it is your going be a safe one." Canon says with another bow as he gets up off of the stump.

Pearl playfully tugs at Canon's arm. "Mr. Canon, why don't you come with us to see the Wizard?"

Canon crosses his arms. "The Wizard of Groz? What business do you have with him?"

"We're going to the Ruby City to see him so that he can give Scruffy Scarecrow a brain and help me get back home to Cali-fornia."

Canon rhythmically taps his fingers against his metal forearm. "I hate to sound pessimistic, I really do, but what makes you think that the great and all-powerful Wizard of Groz, ruler of the Ruby City, would even give commoners off the street such as yourselves the time of day, let alone solve your problems?"

Pearl rolls up her sleeve and clenches her fist. "He's got to help us! We've come such a far way already!"

At that moment, Espeelle appears on the roof of Canon's nearby cabin in a puff of red smoke and cackles at the group. "So, helping the foolishly foolish little girl along are you, my foolish gentlemen? Well, stay away from her or I'll stuff my office chair with you, Scarecrow. And as for you, Tin man, I'll turn you into a curio cabinet!" Espeelle's whip becomes engulfed in a red flame. "Want to play catch, Scarecrow?" Espeelle sneers as she cracks her whip and sends a fireball flying towards Scruffy Scarecrow's feet that lands right in front of him, lighting the grass in front of him ablaze.

Fearing for his life, Scruffy Scarecrow runs away from the fire as Canon stomps it out with his flameproof foot.

After laughing for a few seconds at the scarecrow's expense, Espeelle vanishes from the area in a puff of red smoke.

"Are you alright, Mr. Scruffy Scarecrow? Did that nasty woman hurt you?" Pearl asks as she inspects her friend's body for injuries.

"I'm fine, Pearl, but I'll make sure that you get to the Ruby City and get back to California, even if the Wizard doesn't give me a brain. Stuff an office chair with me? I'll stuff an office chair with HER!" Scruffy Scarecrow says with a look of determination.

Canon gently taps Pearl on the shoulder. "Pearl, is it? As a prosecutor and upholder of the law in this fine land, it is my duty to make sure that no one is harmed on my watch. Ergo, I, Prosecutor Nicholas Canon, have decided to accompany you on your journey and protect you from that vile woman; and if the Wizard just so happens to bestow upon me the heart that I so desire, I shall view it as a bonus. Well, shall we get going? That witch isn't getting less ornery."

The group proceed walking down the Orange Stone road, but stop when they hear Pearl groan.

"Is something wrong, Pearl?" Canon asks.

"Well, I've been walking for a really long time and my feet are starting to get tired."

Canon crouches down to so that he's at eyelevel with Pearl. "Well, Pearl, since I don't feel fatigue, how about you ride on my shoulder?"

Pearl nervously bites her thumb. "Are you sure? I don't want to be a bother."

"Nonsense, it would be a pleasure."

Canon picks up Pearl and places her on his right shoulder; and once he is sure that Pearl is safely seated, the group continue their journey down the Orange Stone Road which has them entering a dark forest.

* * *

 **A/N:** I know that the back story doesn't exactly scream 'Edgeworth', but I wanted to base the backstory of his 'Wizard of Oz' counterpart off of the backstory in the book; which I didn't even know about until I did some research on the topic. As for how the Tin Man could loose his head and still survive, I'm just going with magic.


	5. Tigers, Cougars, and Loan Sharks, Oh My!

**A/N:** Well, after a week of bad sunburn, I'm back with the next chapter of this fanfic. I had a lot of fun writing up this chapter since it is based on my favorite part of 'Wizard of Oz'. In fact, the Cowardly Lion is not only my favorite character in the film, but also that of the rest of my family to the point where we will just randomly say some of his quotes whenever the mood arises. With that small intro done, I hope that you enjoy this next chapter.

* * *

After walking through the forest for some time, Pearl decides that she has rested long enough and proceeds to get off of Canon's shoulder and walk in between him and Scruffy Scarecrow. Deciding to follow his young owner's train of thought, Shoe jumps out of her arms and proceeds to playfully walk slightly in front of the trio, occasionally stopping to turn around and flash his big, cute eyes at them and softly meowing before continuing forward; though despite this display of cuteness from the cat, they can't help but shake the anxiety of traveling through this dimly lit forest; a forest that is obviously not all that well-traveled on account of the road's color being a pale, cream-color as opposed to the bright, citrus orange that has been present thus far and it being severely cracked apart by years of harsh winters.

Pearl, nervous of her surroundings, clings to Scruffy Scarecrows arm as they slowly continue to walk down the path. "I-I don't like this forest, guys. It's very dark and I'm scared!'

"Well, I have the sneaking suspicion that it's only going to get darker before it gets brighter, so there's no point in getting anxious about it; if anything, being scared will only lead to an increased chance of bodily harm and therefore should be avoided." Canon states in a stoic voice as he continues walking with perfect posture and not even bothering to look down, almost as if he is a solder marching off to battle.

"Hey, pal, she's only a kid! Why doncha put yourself in her shoes and then say that to her!" Scruffy Scarecrow assertively states as he brings Pearl in for a quick hug.

Canon shrugs his shoulders. "What do you expect? I have no heart; or did you forget that, what with your lack of a brain?"

Pearl looks up to Canon with tears in her eyes. "Mr. Canon, a-are we going to run into any wild animals?"

"Well, Pearl, there is a likely possibility of that happening, what with this being a forest and all."

"Animals that e-eat… straw…?" Scruffy Scarecrow nervously asks, fearing for his life.

"Yes, Scarecrow, there are probably some herbivorous animals in this forest. And while you're on the lookout for some ravenous goat of rabbit, Pearl and I will be leery of being mauled by an actually dangerous predator like a tiger, or a cougar, or a-"

"Loan shark?" Scruffy Scarecrow chimes in, causing Canon to slap his forehead in irritation.

"First off, Scarecrow, loan sharks are not actually animals, but rather soulless people who make a living by draining simpletons like you dry by giving out loans with insanely high interest rates. Second, why in Groz would any self-respecting loan shark set up their business in some dark, dingy forest that has very little to no foot traffic?"

"I don't know. Why don't we go and ask whoever owns that stand…?" Scruffy Scarecrow states with a happy-go-lucky grin as he points to a dilapidated wooden stand on the side of the road with a sign above it that reads 'Tender Lender: Win Through Compromise'.

Canon looks at the stand with a look of shock on his face. "Son of a… For once on this journey, Scruffy Scarecrow was correct about something."

"Every dog has his day, pal!" Scruffy Scarecrow proudly states with a look of pride on his face and his hands to his hips.

As Scruffy Scarecrow marvels at the mighty feat of proving some highfaluting prosecutor wrong, a feeling of dread rushes through Canon's body. "Regardless of who's right or wrong, I suggest that we vacate this area posthaste before-"

Canon is interrupted by a loud roar as a large, muscular tiger with bright orange fur and black hair, which is styled in a manner similar to that of Phoenix's, jumps out in front of them from the nearby forest, causing the group to gasp out of fear, earning them a big, toothy grin from the tiger as he views his new prey, sticking his tongue out the side of his mouth to further intimidate the travelers.

"Welcome to Tender Lender, the small family loan office where our motto is 'win through compromise'. Would any of you fine gentlemen care to take out a sum of money greater than $10,000 for a reasonable interest rate?" The tiger asks with a sinister look on his face as he slowly saunters over to Scruffy Scarecrow and Canon, who are trembling a bit, as he rubs his orange paws together.

Canon, being one to never back down, despite how he is screaming on the inside, takes a deep breath and steps forward. "I-I'm sorry, sir, none of us are currently interested in a loan; but thank you for the offer." Canon calmly says as he rhythmically taps his finger against his forearm in an attempt to steady his nerves; which is not working that well on account of his body shaking and making a rattling sound as a result.

The tiger unleashes another powerful roar which causes the group to take a step back. "Do youse guys know who I am? I'm Tiger, da infamous owner of Tender Lender! Now, youse guys are gonna take out a nice, big loan from me or things are gonna get…" Tiger cracks his knuckles. "ugly…"

Canon puts his hands up in front of his face. "T-There's no need for violence, why don't you just let us be?"

Tiger gets right up in Canon's face. "Aww, are youse scared? Well, I hope that youse stay fresh in that can of yours…" Tiger laughs as he notices Canon tensing up. "Why doncha man up an' fight me, or are you just chicken…?" When Tiger notices that Canon is remaining silent, he turns his attention to Scruffy Scarecrow. "C'mon, put your fists up and try to give me a challenge, you cockeyed bag o' straw!"

"Hey, that's a bit personal, pal!" Scruffy Scarecrow pouts.

Canon, seeing this as an opportunity to get him and Pearl away from this beast, decides to try to goad Scruffy Scarecrow into a fight with the loan shark to serve as a distraction. This plan is perfect, for not only would he get himself and Pearl safely out of the forest, but they would also be able to ditch that useless, annoying, brainless scarecrow. It would be like killing two birds with one stone.

"Yes, Scarecrow, so why don't you teach him a lesson?" Canon says with a slight smirk.

"Sorry, I don't know all that much, on account of me not having a brain, so why don't you do it? If anyone can teach him anything, it's some fancy prosecutor guy like you." Scruffy Scarecrow cheerfully replies with a grin.

"W-Well, I hardly know him." Canon nervously retorts as he reels back in shock by how truly dense this scarecrow is.

Suddenly, their argument is interrupted by Shoe hissing at Tiger, prompting the beast to look down at the smaller feline, flash it a death glare, and growl at it.

"Dat's it! You're dead meat, runt!" Tiger proceeds to chase after Shoe, who jumps into Pearl's arms for protection, but instead of cowering before the giant creature like her two friends had, Pearl stands her ground and gives him a swift smack on the nose.

"You should be ashamed of yourself, you nasty tiger!" Pearl shouts as Tiger starts whimpering.

Tiger's whimpering soon turns into full-blown crying. "What'd you do that for? I didn't do him no harm!"

Pearl continues to scowl at Tiger. "No, but you tried to hurt him! It's one thing when you pick on a challenged scarecrow, but you are crossing a line when you think that you can bully a defenseless, little cat like my Shoe!" Shoe meows as if to agree with his owner.

"B-But you didn't have to go and hit me!" Tiger cries as he rubs the spot on his nose where he was slapped. "Is my nose bleedin'?" Tiger shows Pearl his nose, which is completely unharmed.

Pearl shakes her head. "No, Mr. Tiger, I only gave it a light tap. You'll be fine."

Tiger then proceeds to wail at the top of his lungs as tears stream down his face.

"Well, that's what happens when you decided to pick a fight with someone smaller and weaker than you. Why, you're nothing but a coward!" Pearl states with her arm pointed at Tiger in a similar manner to Phoenix's own 'Objection!' pose.

"Y-You're right, I am a coward! I ain't got a single shred of courage in me! Sure, I try to be some big, scary loan shark, but I can't even get back da money I lend out to my clients without tryin' to poison them! Just look over at my stand…!" Tiger points a shaky hand over to the Tender Lender stand where there is a small number of dead bodies stacked neatly in a pile.

Canon takes a step away from Tiger. "That's too bad, really it is… Well, Pearl, we aren't goin to get to the Ruby City by just standing around; so let's go."

As Canon starts to walk towards the forest's exit, he is stopped when he hears Scruffy Scarecrow open his big mouth and say the last thing that he wants to hear.

Scruffy Scarecrow pats Tiger on the back to calm him down. "Hey, pal, why doncha come with us to see the Wizard? We're on our way to see him now so that he can give me a brain, Canon a heart, and get Pearl back to California. I bet he could give you some courage as well."

"B-But wouldn't it be embarrassin' for youse guys to be seen with a timid tiger like me? Because I sure would!" Tiger softly whimpers.

"Pearl puts Shoe down and gives Tiger a hug. "Of course not, Mr. Tiger! Don't you worry, the Wizard will fix you right up, I promise."

Tiger ruffles Pearl's hair with his paw as his tears stop and a smile spreads across his face. "Thanks, kid, youse alright. Now let's see dat wizard and make me da most powerful loan shark in da forest!"

"Well, I guess I'm going to be sleeping with one eye open until this quest is finished. Stupid Scarecrow, why I ought to-" Canon whispers under his breath, but is interrupted when Pearl tugs at his arm.

"Mr. Canon, what were you whispering about?" Pearl asks with a look of interest.

"Nothing really; just that I'm excited to go see the Wizard and get a heart. Well, enough dillydallying. Let's go."

The group then proceeds to walk towards the forest's exit, getting ever closer to the Ruby City and the Wizard of Groz.


	6. I am Groz!

Inside the uppermost part of a large, intimidating castle in the barren wasteland of Larry Country, located in the westernmost part of Groz, in a room filled with various magical instruments, Espeelle glares at large crystal ball, placed on a stand shaped like a claw in the center of the room, which shows Pearl and her group leaving the forest, as she seethes with anger at the young girl's progress.

Espeelle pounds her fist against the crystal ball's stand. "Curse that foolish girl! I thought for sure that that loan shark would chase her away or poison her, not join her! Now she and that band of foolishly foolish rejects have almost reached that fool Groz! I need a way to stop them… Of course!"

A sinister grin creeps across the witch's face as she takes out a bottle of strange, red powder and sprinkles some on her whip. "Now, my fools, how about something with poison in it, but is attractive to the eye and soothing to smell? Something like… poppies… Poppies will put you fools to sleep… permanently. Ha ha haaaa!" Espeelle cackles as she waves her whip in front of the crystal ball, causing it to glow as the Orange Stone Road in front of the Ruby City is replaced by a large field of poppies.

As Pearl and her friends exit the forest, they pause upon seeing a large red city in the distance.

"Look over there, pals! Is that the Ruby City?" Scruffy Scarecrow asks with childlike excitement in his voice as he points at the gated metropolis.

"What do you think?" Canon curtly replies with a cold, emotionless expression, his arms crossed as he taps his forearm with his index finger.

"Why do you always have to be so mean to me, Canon? That was a perfectly good question!" Scruffy Scarecrow huffs.

Canon rolls his eyes. "Riiight, because there are dozens of large, red cities scattered throughout Groz that have an Orange Stone Road leading to them!"

Scruffy Scarecrow gets right in Canon's face. "Oh, that's it, pal! Now you're asking for it!"

Canon shrugs his shoulders and chuckles. "Come now, who would be pitiful enough to fear a big, stupid oaf of a scarecrow that can easily be burnt to ashes?"

Tiger nervously raises his hand.

"That's it, pal! You better ask the Wizard for a new body as well because I'm gonna turn your current one into a soda can!" Scruffy Scarecrow yells as he and Canon are standing mere inches apart, growling at each other as their eyes lock in fiery tension.

"Alright, break it up, you two!" Pearl orders as she steps between her two friends. "You should be ashamed of yourselves- arguing like children and scaring Tiger!" Pearl points to Tiger, who is crouching on the ground, his body trembling as he covers his ears.

"Canon started it." Scruffy Scarecrow pouts as he points to the tin man.

Pearl puts her hands to her hips and glares at her friends. "I don't care who started it because I'm ending it! Now apologize to each other and make nice!"

"I'm sorry for yelling at you, Canon." Scruffy Scarecrow says with a tone of remorse.

"I forgive you, Scarecrow." Canon replies.

"And…" Pearl says with a stern face.

Canon sighs. "Scarecrow…" The metallic man growls and clenches his teeth as the sight of Scruffy Scarecrow's goofy grin, which makes him all the more irritable. "I'm sor… sorrrrr… I'm sor- sor… I'm sorry! There, I said it. Happy?" Canon pouts as he crosses his arms.

"Aw, don't worry, pal. I know it was hard for you to say and I forgive you!" Scruffy Scarecrow scoops up Canon in a big bear hug, causing the metallic mange to cringe as he tries, in vain, to free himself.

"Aww!" Pearl chirps as Tiger gets back on his feet.

"You know, dis is nice. Why can't youse guys be like dis more often?" Tiger asks.

"Because Scarecrow reeks of dirt and mildew." Canon scoffs.

"C'mon guys! The Wizard won't grant our wishes if we just stand here! Let's go!" Pearl says as she rushes through the poppy field with her friends following closely behind her; but they easily catch up to her when they notice her slowing down until she eventually comes to a complete stop.

"Pearl, is something wrong?" Canon asks with a look of concern as he notices Pearl wheezing, wobbling back and forth as she struggles to keep her balance.

"I… I don't know… All of a sudden… I feel so tired… Just need some… Sleeeeeeep…" Pearl collapses on the ground and falls into a deeps sleep, along with Shoe, who is curled up in her arms.

"Come on, pal, wake up! You can't fall asleep when we're so close to the Ruby City! I'm begging ya! Please wake up!" Scruffy Scarecrow begs as he vigorously shakes the young girl's shoulder, but to no avail.

Canon puts a stern, yet gentle, hand on Scruffy Scarecrow's own shoulder to get him to stop. "Judging by the state of things, it's futile to try to wake her up here. Instead, help me carry Pearl to the Ruby City so we can get her some assistance."

Scruffy Scarecrow nods. "Got it, pal!"

The two adults try to pick up their young companion, but find that it is impossible to move her, almost as if she has been glued to the ground.

"Is it me, pal, or did Pearl gain weight?" Scruffy Scarecrow asks.

"That's not important, Scarecrow. Tiger, help us move-" Canon turns to face Tiger, but is shocked to see him in the same catatonic state that Pearl is in. "Great! Now he's asleep as well!"

"W-Why is this happening? Is it a ghost?" Scruffy Scarecrow's eyes dart around the area as he looks out for any ghosts.

"Scarecrow-"

Scruffy Scarecrow starts to nervously pace around the area. "What if it's the ghost of a cow that wants to eat hay? Or what if it's the ghost of a flame that was blown out and wants to burn something?"

"Scarecrow!" Canon snaps, silencing his straw 'friend' and stopping his pacing.

"Scarecrow, my ex-girlfriend used to work for the Wicked Witch of the Witness Stand, so I'm well-versed in several spells and, based on the poppies and being unable to move our Pearl, this is the work of dark magic- no doubt from that blasted Witch of the Prosecutor's Office!

"Help! Someone help us! Help!" Scruffy Scarecrow screams at the top of his lungs.

"Calm down, Scarecrow! There's no use in wasting your energy yelling like a raving lunatic when no one can hear you!" Though this advice falls on deaf ears and actually encourages the mindless scarecrow to scream even louder.

"HEEEEELP! HEEEEEELP! HEEEEEELP!" Scruffy Scarecrow screams, his arms and head raised to the heavens.

Though unbeknownst to Canon, Scruffy Scarecrow's pleas for help and genuine concern for his friends were heard telepathically by Glinda, who summons clouds above the poppy field that releases a shower of sticky brown liquid.

"What is this stuff?" Scruffy Scarecrow asks with a look of confusion.

Canon sticks his tongue out to taste some of the falling substance. "It's… hamburger grease?"

"Look!" Scruffy yells as he points to the poppies, which are being killed by the grease.

Once the poppies have completely withered away, the grease storm stops and the clouds clear.

"Look at that, pal, that hamburger grease killed all of the poppies!" Scruffy Scarecrow notes with a grin.

"Yes, but was it enough to wake our friends…?" Canon kneels next to Pearl and lightly taps her shoulder. "Pearl… Pearl, are you awake?"

"Mr. Canon…?" Pearl groggily asks, a small yawn escaping her as she awakens.

Scruffy Scarecrow pushes Canon out of the way as he squeezes Pearl in a bear hug. "Oh, pal! We thought that you were a goner!"

"Scruffy Scarecrow… I can't breathe." Pearl wheezes as she tries to loosen the scarecrow's grip on her.

Upon realizing that his little friend is suffering, Scruffy Scarecrow releases Pearl. "Sorry about that, pal. I sometimes don't know my own strength." The scarecrow states with a reddened face as he scratches the back of his head.

"Or how to preserve a touching moment." Canon retorts under his breath as he crosses his arms.

"What was that, Mr. Canon?" Pearl asks.

"Nothing. Just voicing my concern over Tiger's wellbeing." Canon points to the sleeping Tiger who is just starting to stir.

"Ugh… Five more minutes, Ma…" Tiger groggily begs as he rubs his eyes and gets to his feet.

"Okay, with that poppies episode behind us and all members of our group in good health, let's finally reach the Ruby City," Canon gestures to the red-colored city nearby.

Meanwhile, Espeelle is glaring down at her crystal ball, pounding it's base out of anger for the events that have just transpired.

"No! No! No! Why must that foolish good which always foolishly mess with my plans like a fool?! Now that foolish girl is practically at the Ruby City and I'll never get my hands on those Boron Booties!" Espeelle growls at the commander and king of her Winged Monkey army, a large grey monkey with the wings of an eagle who resembles Blaise Debeste, who is calmly leaning against the nearby wall with a grin on his face.

"Y'know, Espeelle, you shouldn't get you're your magic umbrella tied in knot over this. Y'see, we can just invade the Ruby City and take the Boron Booties by force, y'know. My troops are ready for action and you still have one use left of the golden cap that binds us to your will, so why not?" The Winged Monkey King asks.

"Have you forgotten that the Ruby City is guarded by Groz, whose powers are strong enough to wipe out our troops with no effort if you were foolish enough to have them attack? No, the only way for us to take down Groz once and for all and rule this land in its entirety is for me to claim those Boron Booties for myself, which are now out of our reach because that foolish girl has effectively reached the city!" Espeelle pouts.

"Y'know, I sometimes wonder why you even wasted one of your commands to have us help you conquer Larry Country if the inhabitants are so useless. Y'see, I know that they're supposed to be technically inclined, but you've had them working on IT for at least a decade and they're still not done. Talk about idiots."

"Thanks for reminding me, King…" Espeelle cracks her whip, which warps a man wearing a Buckingham Guard outfit, hat and all, the only difference being that it is entirely black and grey, that resembles Larry into her chamber.

"Yes, Oh Hot and Awesome Espeelle? And might I say, the lighting in this room brings out the refined beauty of your eyes." The man asks in a syrupy voice as he gazes upon the witch with affection in his eyes.

Espeelle whips the man. "Cut the foolish pleasantries, King Larry. What's ITS status?"

"I'm glad you ask, milady; for after working every second of every hour of every day of every month of every year for 25 years, driven solely on the hope that you will grace us, the Larries with your praise, and we have finally completed IT." King Larry bows, a triumphant smile spread across his face.

A small grin spreads across the witch's face. "You have done well, King Larry. In fact, I'm so impressed that I'll give you a reward for your efforts…" Espeelle leans over and gives King Larry a kiss on the forehead, causing his cheeks to become rosy red as he starts babbling nonsense.

Disturbed with how King Larry is acting, Espeelle warps him back to where he previously was with a crack of her whip.

"Now, with IT being fully operational, let's give it a test run, shall we? Off to Munchkin Land; for I still have a score to settle with that foolishly foolish Good Witch of Burgers!" Espeelle proclaims in a sinister tone of disdain.

Back with the group, they have just arrived at the massive, imposing bright red main gate that separates the Ruby City from the outside world, where they see a large bell and a sign next to it that reads, 'Please ring bell for entry'. Pearl, being the obedient child that she is, heeds the sign and rings the bell, which causes a small old man, that looks like Victor Kudo dressed in red bodysuit with a large collar and four big black buttons on his torso, to open and pop his head out of a small hatch in the door to view the would-be visitors.

"Who rang that bell?!" The old man angrily asks, enraged that anyone would have the gal to burden him with such trivial things.

"We did." The entire group says in unison.

"Well can't you whippersnappers read?"

"Read what?" Scruffy Scarecrow asks.

"The notice!"

"No, I can't read…" Scruffy Scarecrow hangs his head in shame, once again struck down by his own incompetence.

"Well, I am able to read, quite well if I do say so myself, and I can say with complete, 100 percent certainty that that sign reads 'Ring bell for entry'." Canon states as he points to the sign.

The man looks down and sees that Canon is correct about the sign, causing his face to redden. "Oh…" The man takes the sign and replaces it with another sign before closing the hatch.

"Bell out of order. Please knock." The group read out loud in unison.

Pearl knocks on the door, causing the same old man to open up the hatch and glare at the group.

"Are you daft? Why are you lot still here?" The old man complains.

"W-Well, Mr. Doorman, sir… The sign that you put out here told us to knock on the door in order to enter your lovely city, which we did, so…" Tiger nervously brings up with a nervous grin on his face, lightly rubbing his paws together in an effort to ease his apprehension.

The old man flashes the group an embarrassed smile as he rubs the back of head. "Whoops, wrong sign…" The man takes the sign and replaces it with yet another new sign.

"Ruby City on lockdown! No visitors allowed! Violators will be shot on sight!" The group nervously read aloud as they hear the sound of a gun being cocked.

The group look up, and to their horror, see the man aiming a shotgun at them.

"That's right! So unless you want to die where you stand, I suggest that you whippersnappers go back from where you came!" The man cocks his shotgun again to prove his point.

"Please, sir, I have to see the Wizard! The Good Witch of Burgers sent me!" Pearl begs, standing firm and strong despite the terror welling up within.

"Oh yeah, prove it." The man challenges as he aims his shotgun specifically at Pearl.

"She's wearing the Boron Booties that she gave her." Scruffy Scarecrow points out as he gestures to the Boron Booties.

The man glares down at Pearl's booties. "Give me a moment. I have to check with the higher-ups…" The man states in an irritated tone as he closes the hatch.

After a few minutes have passed, the man opens the hatch. "I spoke with my superiors and the Wizard's been expecting you guys." The man closes the hatch and opens the main doors to the city. "And he's ordered me to bring you to him; so let's go."

The group enters the city as the large crimson doors slowly close behind them.

The Ruby City is just as magnificent as Pearl and her friends could imagine, being filled to the brim with practically every type of shop imaginable and a wide plethora of strange creatures, ranging from tiny, round gnomes to orks, creatures that have for-winged, quadrupedal creatures with the legs of a stork and a head resembling that of a parrot, but they are unable to appreciate the many wonders of this metropolis, for whenever they pause, their 'guide' yells at them to keep moving. Soon, the group find themselves entering the largest, most regal-looking building in the city; where upon entering, they are guided down a long, narrow hallway with many large windows on either side of them until they stop a large door- at which point, the man guiding them leaves to return to his post at the gate, grumbling as he storms down the hallway.

"Come forward!" A loud, booming voice yells as the door opens.

Upon hearing this voice, Tiger's timid nature starts to get the best of him as he breaks out in a cold sweat. "Tell me when it's over!" Tiger covers his eyes as the rest of the group guide him into the room with them.

Within the large, open room, they are faced with an object that looks like a throne with many pipes of varying sizes behind it, making it resemble an organ, and two pot-like objects that are constantly spewing fire.

"Look at dat! Look at dat! Waa-aaa-aaaa! I wanna go home!" Tiger proclaims with fear in his voice regarding his surrounds, only to be restrained by Scruffy Scarecrow and Pearl holding onto his arms. All the while, Canon is starting to get a little jittery himself, pondering to himself what kind of wizard has devices constantly spewing pillars of fire in his main chamber.

Suddenly, a large, translucent green head, resembling Grossberg's, appears above the throne.

"I am Groz! The great and powerful! Who are you?" Groz bellows in a voice that would cause any able-minded person to be frozen in fear; but since Scruffy Scarecrow lacks a mind, he is completely unfazed and, with his normal goofy grin, waves to the head as his friends tremble in fear.

"Hello, Mr. Groz!" The scarecrow points to Pearl, who whimpers as she clings to Shoe. "That girl right there is Pearl." Scruffy Scarecrow's finger then moves to Canon, who is standing stiff in complete silence. "That's Canon." The scarecrow finally points to Tiger, who is bawling his eyes out, loudly wailing as he stares up at the imposing figure before him. "That's Tiger." Scruffy Scarecrow gestures to himself. "And I'm Scruffy Scarecrow; and we've come here to ask you-"

"Silence!" Groz bellows as Pearl now clings to Canon's leg. "The Great and powerful Groz knows why you have come! Step forward, Canon!" The wizard commands as Pearl pushes her trembling metallic friend towards the throne.

"You dare to come here for a heart, do you? You clinking, clanking, clattering collection caliginous junk!" Groz yells as Canon starts violently trembling.

"Y-Yes, You're Honor. You see, a while back, we were walking down the Orange Stone Road and-"

"Quiet!" Groz yells as he runs back to his friends and clings to Pearl. "And you, Scarecrow, have the audacity to ask me for a brain? You billowing bail of bovine fodder!"

"Yes, please! You big, angry, smelly, green-head man!" Scruffy Scarecrow chuckles as Canon flashes him a 'Do you want us all to die?' glare.

"Enough! And you, Tiger-" Groz bellows; but before he can say anything else, Tiger faints.

As Scruffy Scarecrow fans his fallen friend with his hand, Pearl flashes Groz a death glare. "Shame on you, Mr. Groz! Frightening him like that when he came to you for help!"

"Silence, impudent child!" Groz yells as the pillars of flames temporarily shoot up even further. "The benevolent Groz has every intention of granting your requests; but before I do, you must first prove yourselves worthy by preforming a small task."

"And what exactly is this 'small' task?" Canon hesitantly asks, dreading that the response will probably be something that he would never do of his own volition.

"Bring me the magic umbrella of the Wicked Witch of the Prosecutor's Office!"

Canon recoils back in shock. "Are you mad?! The only way for us to accomplish that would be to rip it from her cold, dead hands."

"Bring me her umbrella and I will grant your requests! Now go!" Groz commands.

"But-But what if she kills us first?" Tiger timidly asks.

"I said GOOOOOOOOOO!" Groz yells at the top of his lungs, causing Tiger to run out of the chamber as fast as his legs can carry him and jump through a closed window, remaining uninjured despite breaking a large pane of glass with his body.

A few minutes later, Pearl and the others find Tiger crying in the bushes bellow the window that he jumped out of.

Pearl gives Tiger a hug. "Mr. Tiger are you alright?"

"Y-Yeah, my body's fine, but not my spirit. How are we gonna defeat that nasty witch?" Tiger asks, using his tail as a tissue to wipe away his tears, as Scruffy Scarecrow and Canon help him up.

"Why, we'll defeat her with the power of teamwork! Now all that's left is to find her; so where do you guys think she is?" Unfortunately, Scruffy Scarecrow's question falls on deaf ears when he notices that all of his friends are staring up at the sky with wide eyes, completely ignoring him.

"Hey, pals, didn't you hear me? Where do you think we'll find the Wicked Witch of the Prosecutor's Office?" Scruffy Scarecrow asks again, only to still be ignored. Scruffy Scarecrow stomps his foot in irritation and then proceeds to constantly tap Canon's shoulder. "C'mon guys, we need to focus and find that witch!"

"We found her…" Canon states in awe as he tilts Scruffy Scarecrow's head upwards so that he can see what they are so shocked about: The Wicked Witch of the Prosecutor's Office's castle flying, via rocket engines, in the skies above the center of the Ruby City.

* * *

 **A/N:** I know that the ending of this chapter is not a part of the movie, but that's the good thing about parodies: you don't have to go by the exact plot of the film. That said, the next chapter will be replacing the part of the film where the group enter Winkie Country and are attacked by the Winged Monkeys- my least favorite part of the film.


	7. That wasn't in the Original

Almost immediately after the Wicked Witch of the Prosecutor's Castle arrives, several hatches on the sides of the castle open up to reveal several canons before they start launching a barrage of fireballs at the town square, filling the air with screams of fear and pandemonium as the residents flee the area.

Though despite the ensuing chaos, Canon keeps his calm and is the first to speak, breaking the group out of their trance of witnessing the horrors going on around them and directing their focus on him.

"Alright, this may look bad- mostly because it is- but we can get out of this unscathed if we move quickly and discreetly. Got that?" Canon focuses his icy glare on Scruffy Scarecrow.

"Hey! Why are you looking at me like that, pal?" Scruffy Scarecrow asks in an offended tone, his brow furrowed at the fact that this holier-than-thou tinman is getting ready to belittle him yet again on this journey.

"You know why." Canon coldly states, his arms folded to add to make him appear more imposing.

"Well, if it's about me being brainless and not being discreet, then I'll have you know that I can be very discreet if I wanna be, pal!" Scruffy Scarecrow growls.

"Then put your money where your mouth is and escape the city while being as discreet as possible." Canon sneers, an aggravating smirk plastered upon his face.

"Fine!" Scruffy Scarecrow replies as he takes a few seconds to wait for the fireball bombardment to stop before walking out into the middle of the war-torn town square and stopping right in its center.

"W-What's he doin'? Why isn't he movin'?" Tiger asks as he scratches his head in confusion.

"I don't know, but I have a bad feeling about this…" Canon says with a tone of apprehension.

Scruffy Scarecrow takes a deep breath before yelling, "Spare some change, pal! The economy's hard on ya when you live in your mom's basement because you can't find a job with your communication's degree! SPARE SOME CHANGE!", as he walks around the area.

A loud, metallic sound can be heard as Canon's hand hits his forehead and a look of dismay forms on his face. "You idiot! That's being a deadbeat! To be discreet means to be careful and to AVOID detection!"

"Oh…" Scruffy Scarecrow sullenly says as he slumps his shoulders out of embarrassment."

Meanwhile, in the control room at the base of the castle, the Larry monitoring the surveillance screen that surveys the area of land right below their floating fortress sees Scruffy Scarecrow on the screen, and following protocol, hits a button near his monitor that alerts Espeelle, prompting her to appear right next to him in a puff of red smoke.

"What do you want, fool? I'm currently in the middle of something, so make it quick!" Espeelle snaps.

The Larry flashes Espeelle an unnervingly large grin, causing the witch to shudder! "Your Hotness, the scarecrow that you ordered us to destroy is right below your castle! Permission to aim the fireball launchers and roast him?"

A smirk spreads across Espeelle's face as she walks over to the center of the room and sits in her hard, stiff office chair. "No, I want to see that foolish scarecrow really burn! Activate the Ultra Flame Cannon and turn that fool into the perfect ash to fill my foolishly hard office chair!" Espeelle wriggles around in the uncomfortable chair. "Foolish chair!" The evil witch grumbles.

"But Your Hotness, the Ultra Flame Cannon takes time to charge. What if he escapes before it finishes?" The Larry questions.

Espeelle swivels her office chair to face the Winged Monkey King and his army of Winged Monkeys, who are standing at the ready by the exit bay, eagerly awaiting further directions from their mistress, and puts on a golden helmet that allows her to communicate with the primates no matter where they are.

"Go, Winged Monkeys, distract that foolish scarecrow long enough for the Ultra Flame Cannon to turn him to ash, which you will immediately bring back to me! And while you're out there, bring that foolish little girl to me alive and that foolish tinman back to me dead; I need his body to store the knickknacks, baubles, and gimcracks that I looted from my sister's cottage." Espeelle orders as she points to the exit bay's doors.

The Winged Monkey King salutes the witch. "Done. And what about that tiger friend of hers?"

"Him?" Espeelle waves her hand as she chuckles at Tiger's insignificance. "He's no threat to my plans, so just leave him be. Heck, he'll probably be miles away before you even leave the castle."

"Alright, you can count on us, Espeelle." The Winged Monkey King turns to face his army of Winged Monkeys, who all resemble Sebastian Debeste, hair and baton included. "All right, you stupid chimps, you have your orders and you know what must be done. Understood?"

The Winged Monkeys salute their king with their batons. "Yes, King, we won't let you frown- er, we mean down!" The Winged Monkeys say in unison.

The Winged Monkey King takes out a lighter and starts playing with it. "Y'see, and just to keep you moronic dopes in check, if I see or hear any of you make an idiotic mistake, then those monkeys may just disappear, y'know. Understand?"

The Winged Monkeys gulp as they start to tremble a bit. "Y-Yes, King!"

The exit bay doors open as the Winged Monkey King and his army jump out and descend into the Ruby City, with several Winged Monkeys swarming around Scruffy Scarecrow as ordered while the bottom of the castle opens up to reveal a large flamethrower nozzle pointing straight down at the scarecrow, the device making a high-pitched humming noise as it charges up power.

As Scruffy Scarecrow struggles to fight off the Winged Monkeys surrounding him, the rest of them search the area for Pearl and Canon, who, along with Tiger, are able to remain out of sight by hiding in the bushes that broke the large, timid feline's fall when he jumped out the window earlier.

"SCRU-" Pearl tries to scream, only to be interrupted by Canon placing his metallic hand over her mouth to keep her quiet.

"Stay quiet, Pearl, otherwise they'll find us!" Canon sternly whippers to Pearl. "And will you stop shaking, Tiger? If Pearl's scream didn't disclose our location, then a rustling bush will!" Canon whispers to Tiger, whose body is violently trembling as he lightly whimpers.

"B-But they have such sharp claws for scratching, fangs for biting, and those batons to lash us with!" Tigger whines as Pearl strokes him behind his ears in an attempt to calm him.

"But if we don't do something, then they'll get Scruffy Scarecrow! So we have to save him, Mr. Canon! We must!" Pearl demands.

"Look, Scarecrow went out there on his own volition, so anything that happens to him is his own undoing. If we were to go out there, we'd only be risking our own wellbeing." Canon tries to reason with Pearl, but his reasoning falls on deaf ears if the tears forming in the small girl's eyes are of any indication.

"No! We have to save Scruffy Scarecrow! He's our friend and friends stick together! No matter what!" Pearl quietly wails as tears start to stream down her face, causing Canon to recoil in shock at how dedicated this child is to her friends.

 _Friends… a word that I haven't been able to use since I became the metal freak that I am today, since I fled my prosperous career as a prosecutor to hide my shame. Sure, many people would say that I was overreacting, but did anyone try to search for me when I disappeared without a trace? Of course not, which made the time when I was reduced to a statue all the more painful in that it showed me just how shallow and fickle people are- judging one by their appearance and ostracizing those who are different; but then again, it's not like I was the friendliest soul even when he was normal- at least, not as friendly as this little girl, who is more than ready to sacrifice her wellbeing for her friends. Heck, she would probably do the same for me if I were in that foolish scarecrow's predicament- even though I've been a heartless prick this entire time? Is this what it means to truly have a heart…?_

These thoughts rush through Canon's head as he processes Pearl's bold statement, only to be interrupted by the rapidly increasing pitch of the Ultra Flame Cannon as it nears full charge as a gigantic ball of blue fire building up in the nozzle.

Just as Scruffy Scarecrow finally manages to repel the Winged Monkeys that were attacking him, he looks up and is horrified to see the massive orb of flames positioned right over his head, freezing him with fear upon seeing the one thing that could kill him before it is fired from the nozzle down at him with incredible velocity.

As the massive fireball rapidly approaches him, Scruffy Scarecrow can't help but stare at it wide-eyed as he braces himself for his inevitable demise; but before the massive orb of flame can hit him, his feeling of terror is interrupted by him being shoved out of the flame's range as he witnesses Canon, who is now standing where he just was, take the brunt of the inferno attack as it consumes him in a mighty blue flame, his screams of agony barley being muffled by the roar of the fire; for even the most durable of metals can be melted.

"MR. CANON!" Pearl screams at the top of her lungs as she springs to her feet, only to alert several of the Winged Monkeys to her location.

As the flames die down, one can witness just what devastating effects that the blast had on Canon; for the once proud tinman has been reduced to a statue once more, his feet fused to the ground from the intense heat, frozen in a tackling position, with his left side leaning forward. His face, which was until a few minutes stoic and cold, as if nothing could faze him, is now one of pure pain, his teeth clenched as drops of hot, liquid metal drip off his body.

Scruffy Scarecrow, seeing his friend in pain, rushes over to Canon.

"Hey, pal, are you alright? 'Cause you're not looking too good, what with…" Scruffy Scarecrow gestures at Canon entire body.

"You… think…?" Canon struggles to say in a weak, disgruntled tone.

"But why did you save me, pal? Not that I don't appreciate it or anything, but I thought that you hated me." Scruffy Scarecrow asks as he scratches his head.

"I do… but that's… not important… I did it… to stop Pearl… from crying…"

"Let go of me, you nasty monkeys!" Pearl angrily demands, prompting Canon and Scruffy Scarecrow to direct their attention at the bush where they were hiding to see Pearl, who is being apprehended by two Winged Monkeys.

"Pearl…! Scarecrow… Go save Pearl…! Posthaste!" Canon yells with much strain in his voice.

Scruffy Scarecrow looks over to Pearl before looking back to the wounded tinman. "But what about you? I can't just leave you here."

"Forget about me… Keep Pearl safe… All of Groz… Depends on it…!"

Scruffy Scarecrow nods before he starts to rush over to Pearl's position, only to pause when he hears the annoying laugh of a Winged Monkey near Canon's position. Fearing for his friend's safety, Scruffy Scarecrow turns to face the Canon and is horrified to see a Winged Monkey, wielding a large battleax, approach the wounded tinman.

"Well, Tinman, get ready for your new life of housing Ms. Espeelle's kickshaws, gewgaws, and tchotchkes!" The Winged Monkey sneers as he raises his battleax into the air above Canon's neck, hoping to cut the tinman's head off in one quick, clean strike.

However, before the Winged Monkey can issue the coup de grace on Canon, he is interrupted by Scruffy Scarecrow picking him up and lifting the primate over his head.

"Hey, I'm flying!" The Winged Monkey excitedly proclaims with a look of excitement on his face, which quickly changed to one of dread as his smile turns to a tense frown and his eyes widen. "Wait, I could already fly, so that me- AAAAAH!" The Winged Monkey screams as Scruffy Scarecrow chucks him off to the side.

"Scruffy Scarecrow…! You fool…!" Canon weakly yells with a look of dismay on his face.

"You don't have to thank me, pal! I was only returning the favor! So, did I do good or did I do good?" Scruffy Scarecrow asks with his hands to his hips and a smug grin on his face.

"AAAAAAHHHH!" Pearl screams at the top of her lungs as Canon and Scruffy Scarecrow witness the two Winged Monkeys who were apprehending her earlier lift her into the air and take her up into the castle's exit bay.

Once inside the control room, the Winged Monkeys bring Pearl, who is trembling, over to Espeelle, who is still sitting in her office chair.

Espeelle rubs her gloved hands together as she lets out an ear-piercing cackle. "Excellent, my fools! Now finish off that foolish scarecrow and tinman and bring their remains to me!"

Suddenly, the room is filled with a flashing red light as a loud ringing noise emits from the several computers throughout the area.

"Larries, what is this foolish tomfoolery that is foolishly interrupting my moment of triumph?!" Espeelle seethes with anger as she squeezes her whip.

"Your Hotness, the power levels are running dangerously low! If we don't return to Larry Country now, then we'll crash into the Ruby City!" One of the Larries anxiously reports from his station.

Espeelle pound the arm of her chair with an angry fist. "Curses! If we were to foolishly crash into the Ruby City, then we'd be foolish sitting ducks! Take the Castle back to Larry Country; we'll return for the foolish scarecrow and tinman after Phases One and Two of my master plan are complete!"

Upon hearing the order, the Larries manning the castle's navigation input a few codes into their terminals and quickly fly the castle out of the Ruby City and westward towards Larry Country.

As Scruffy Scarecrow and Canon see the castle disappear into the horizon, the tinman flashes the scarecrow a fiery glare.

Scruffy Scarecrow shrugs his shoulders. "Why are you getting so angry, pal? I saved you, didn't I?"

"While also… loosing Pearl… and the Boron Booties… to that evil witch… dooming all of Groz!" Canon weakly growls through gritted teeth.

"Hey pal, I win battles, not wars!" Scruffy Scarecrow tries, emphasis on 'tries', to argue.

"We don't… have time… for this… pointless arguing. Go to… the Ruby City tinsmith… and get me… some help."

"You can count on me, pal!" Scruffy Scarecrow states as he runs off to find the tinsmith.

Sometime later, Scruffy Scarecrow, by some miracle, has actually done something right and brought the tinsmith to Canon, who then proceeds to pry the tinman's feet off the ground with a crowbar and load him into a cart pulled by two horses of a different color, horses that are constantly changing their color, and take him back to his shop as the scarecrow follows.

After 30 minutes of being repaired by the tinsmith's workers, who torture him the entire time by singing, "Rub, rub here! Rub, rub there! Whether you're tin or bronze! That's how we keep you in repair in the merry, old land of Groz", in a flamboyant fashion, Canon leaves the shop looking just like his old self and is greeted by Scruffy Scarecrow.

"So, pal, how was it?"

"While they wouldn't stop singing some annoying song the entire time, I can't argue with the results." Canon states matter-of-factly.

"Yeah pal, you look like a million bucks!" Scruffy Scarecrow compliments as he pats Canon's shoulder.

"Yes, but while my body is repaired, my spirit isn't. We have to save Pearl; but before that, we have to find that timid tiger. He's not getting off scot-free for how he abandoned Pearl in her hour of need!" Canon states with a glare of fiery determination.

"But what if he fled the city? He could be anywhere in Groz."

"It doesn't matter how many mountains we must climb or seas we have to cross, or even if we have to circumnavigate the globe 20 times over; we WILL find Tiger and give him a piece of our minds- or rather, my mind- or my name isn't Nicholas Canon!" Canon proclaims as he grabs Scruffy Scarecrows arm and leads him back to the ruined town square.

As soon as Canon and Scruffy Scarecrow return to the town square, they hear the sound of meowing coming from the bush that they were in when Espeelle first attacked, and upon investigating said bush, find Tiger, in all of his cowardliness, passed out on the ground as Shoe tries to wake him up.

Canon slaps his forehead, shakes his head, and lets out a sigh of disdain. "Unbelievable! He fainted! I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think that I found someone more pathetic than you, Scarecrow, because at least you actually did something, unlike this useless milksop!" Canon yells as he points to Tiger's limp, unconscious body.

"Yes!" Scruffy Scarecrow pumps his fist in the air. "Finally, I'm not the biggest screw-up in the group!" The scarecrow gets right in Tiger's face. "In your face, Tiger! I'm the second worst! I'm the second worst; but you're now the worst and I'm second worst!" Scruffy Scarecrow sings as he shakes his rear in Tiger's face.

Scruffy Scarecrow's singing causes Tiger to wake up as he slowly gets back on his feet, nervously eying his surroundings to make sure it's safe.

"A-Are the monkeys gone?" Tiger nervously asks in a jittery voice, his entire body shaking like a leaf in the wind.

"Oh, they're gone; but they're the least of your worries after how your cowardice caused Pearl to get kidnapped by those creatures!" Canon snaps as he glowers at Tiger, causing the large, orange feline to get even more nervous as he starts biting his claws before breaking out into tears.

"I-I know I let Pearl down and I feel really bad about it, guys, b-but those monkeys were really scary!" Tiger wails.

"But that still doesn't excuse the fact that you let Pearl get kidnapped by the Wicked Witch of the Prosecutor's Office and have put Groz in great danger; which is why you're going to come with us to that vile witch's castle and help us rescue our friend!" Canon demands as he looks into Tiger's eyes with a cold, steely glare.

"But where will we find her? That witch could be anywhere in Groz?" Scruffy Scarecrow asks.

"Well, from what I saw from my position, the castle flew to the west, so most likely it was heading to Larry Country- a dark, vile land filled with a race of sad, lowly beings who are so desperate for female interaction that they can unnerve even the fiercest of warriors."

"Yeah, but there's one problem with your plan…" Tiger objects.

"And that is…?" Canon asks.

"Youse ain't gonna get me in no dark evil country to face no evil witch in her evil, flyin' castle and youse can't make me!" Tiger protests.

Canon and Scruffy Scarecrow, actually sharing an idea for once, look and give each other a sinister grin and a nod before returning their ominous gazes back at Tiger, who starts to slowly back away from the duo, who start to slowly approach him.

Tiger puts his paws up in front of him as he flashes them a nervous grin. "N-Now, what are youse guys doin'? I- Nooo!"

After a short, one-sided fight, Canon and Scruffy Scarecrow, each holding one of Tiger's arms, drag the large feline, who is kicking, screaming, and crying like a small child, with them as they leave the Ruby City and head west towards Larry Country.


	8. Oh We Love, The Hot One!

**A/N:** We're coming down to the wire on this story, folks! The next chapter will be the finale to this story- but before that can happen, our misfit trio will have to free Pearl from the clutched of the evil Espeelle and her annoying army of Larries and steal her magic umbrella from her, an item so precious that she hasn't even used it during the course of this tale. Will our heroes be successful in their quest or will they be reduced to office furniture at the hands of the Wicked Witch of the Prosecutor's Office…? Though you probably already know the answer to that question, considering that I just said that there's one more chapter after this; but then again, maybe I'll surprise you. The only way to find out is to read the chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

Inside the uppermost part of Espeelle's castle, Pearl is huddled in a corner, trembling as the Wicked Witch of the Prosecutor's Office thrusts open the large, wooden doors separating the chamber from the rest of the castle. The evil witch then closes the doors and slowly approaches Pearl, cracking her whip a few times as a sinister smirk spreads across her face.

"Well, well, look what we have here…" Espeelle sneers as she softly strokes Pearl's cheek. "If it isn't the foolish little girl who was so confident that her foolishly foolish friends could protect her from me. So, Pearl Fey, where are your foolish friends now?"

"Don't be so sure of yourself, Ms. Scary Witch. You might have captured me, but it's only a matter of time before my friends come and then you'll be sorry!" Pearl rolls up her sleeve and clenches her fist as she flashes Espeelle a fierce scowl.

Espeelle snickers as she pretends to cower in fear. "Oh, no! However will I, the all-powerful Wicked Witch of the Prosecutor's Office, ever hope to defeat a foolishly brainless scarecrow, a foolishly antisocial tinman, and a foolishly timid tiger that butchers the English language? I might as well give up while I can…!"

"Really!?" Pearl chirps as a look of hope forms in her eyes- which quickly disappears when Franziska whips the little spirit medium.

"Of course not, you foolishly foolish girl! Haven't you ever heard of sarcasm?"

"Sar-chasm…?" Pearl bites her thumb, pondering just what this strange new word could mean; for while Kurain Village is the go-to place for spirit channeling, its educational system isn't exactly topnotch.

Pearl lets out a soft, high-pitched squeal of pain as Espeelle whips her again. "How someone as foolish as you could kill my foolish sister is beyond me…" Espeelle sighs as she squeezes the bridge of her nose. "Sarcasm is when you say something that is the opposite of what you really mean- usually in an over-the-top voice to show displeasure in something."

"Oh, like when Mr. Nick tells Mystic Maya that he has nothing better to do then watch 'The Steel Samurai' with her and then proceeds to cry when she forces him to watch it with her anyways?" Pearl perks up, proud that she has figured out sarcasm.

"Exactly. Another example of sarcasm would be when I just now questioned how I would defeat your foolishly foolish friends, despite the fact that by the time they get here, my power will be amplified by a factor of ten thanks to the Boron Booties; and if that wasn't enough, I stopped by Munchkin Village before I attacked the Ruby City and got another free source of power. Behold…!"

Espeelle goes over to a nearby object with a bright red cloth covering it and uncovers it, revealing a giant glass bottle with Glinda, who is lying on her side, inside, struggling to retain consciousness as a green beam of energy shines down on her from a strange device beneath the closed top of the jar.

"GLINDA!" Pearl shrieks as runs over to the jar to check on the good witch. "Glinda, are you alright?" Pearl pounds her fist against the glass a few times.

"P-Pearly…" Glinda weakly says.

Pearl turns to Espelle and flashes her glare of pure fury. "What did you do to Ms. Glinda, you nasty witch!?"

Espeelle lets out a shrill cackle. "Don't worry your foolish little head, Pearl Fey, for I'm not going to kill her… yet. I'm merely draining her foolish body of its magic and claim it as my own! You see, I was originally going to spare that foolish witch, but once she foolishly decided to ruin my perfect plan to put you into an eternal slumber with my poppies, I knew that I had to end her foolish tomfoolery once and for all; and what better way than by draining her of the very magic that saved you not once, but twice…? Though it wasn't much help to her when I gave her the ultimatum to either surrender herself to me or watch my flying castle rain fiery death upon that foolish village that she loves so dearly."

Glinda starts to weakly laugh, causing Espeelle to growl in anger before whipping the giant jar a few times.

"What is so funny, Glinda? Is it by how foolish you've been to resist me for so long?" Espeelle growls.

"The Munchkins… they'll contact the Warlock of Toilets… and then he'll come here… and kick your butt!"

"That foolishly foolish warlock…?" Espeelle sneers as she rolls her eyes. "With his foolish inability to use a magic umbrella, coupled with the foolishly bad sense of direction of a week-old carrot that is equally as foolish, I'll have already conquered most of Groz by the time he reaches me; but before that…"

Espeelle flashes Pearl an unnervingly large grin as her whip becomes engulfed in a flames. Slowly raising her whip, making sure to savor the moment, Espeelle prepares to mercilessly and painfully strike down Pearl, when suddenly-

*Bzzzzt!*

A loud buzzing noise emits from a speaker on a nearby wall, followed by the syrupy, flirtatious voice of a Larry. "Your Hotness, we are pleased to inform you that we have finished preparing your scheduled dinner. Tonight's meal is one of your favorites: pickled puppy paws with a side of candied tears from a kicked baby. Please come down to the kitchen where several Larry's will shower you with clever pick-up lines and dried flowers."

The flames coating Espeelle's whip diminish as she places it in the holster on her side. "You're lucky that I have a very strict eating schedule, Pearl Fey. But just remember, it is only a matter of time before I kill you and take those Boron Booties for myself; and to prove my point…"

Espeelle pulls out a large, ominous hourglass, filled with red sand and adorned with a large skull and crossbones, from her cloak and slams it on a nearby table, causing the large mound of sand in the top half to slowly trickle to the bottom.

"When the sand in this hourglass runs out, so too shall the last moments of your life, for that is when I shall finish my dinner and come back to finish what I started."

Espeelle then thrusts open the large wooden doors again and leaves the room before they close behind her with a loud thud.

Pearl, not wanting to stick around to see what Espeelle has in store for her, runs over to the large wooden doors and tries to flee the room, but despite her best efforts and herculean strength, the doors won't budge.

After a few more minutes of trying in vain to open the massive doors, Pearl sighs in defeat as she slinks over to Glinda's jar.

"We're doomed, Ms. Glinda!" Pearl morosely proclaims, slamming her against the glass jar in frustration.

"Don't… Don't say that, Pearl…It's not over until Espeelle sings." Glinda says with a weak, yet warm, smile on her face.

Pearl presses against her body against the jar and lets her legs go limp, leaving a large smudge mark on the glass container as her body slowly slides to the ground.

"Funny, that's something Mystic Maya would say…" Pearl lets out an exasperated sigh. "If only Mystic Maya and Mr. Nick were here…"

"Pearly, where are you!?"

Pearl springs to her feet at what is unmistakably her cousin's voice. "Mystic Maya, I'm right heeere!" Pearl waves her arms as she looks around the room for the sound of her voice, which she quickly discovers is coming from Espeelle's crystal ball.

Pearl runs over to the crystal ball, where an image of Maya, who is sitting at a red and white stripped booth, scans the area with her eyes.

"Pearly, if you're here say something! Nick, did you find Pearly…?" Maya looks over to her right, the smile that she was wearing quickly turning into a scowl when she notices that she's being ignored. "Didn't you hear me, Nick? Did you find Pearly or not…? NICK!" Maya bellows at the top of her lungs as she slams her palms on the table like how Phoenix does in court.

At that moment, Phoenix, who is struggling to carry a small red plastic tray with a stack of burgers taller than he is, comes into view on the crystal ball as he slams the tray on the table in front of Maya, heavily panting in an attempt to catch his breath.

"Nick, why were you ignoring me? Is your hearing going to Geezer Ville to join your phone and taste in t.v. shows?" Maya pouts as she crosses her arm, puffing her cheeks out in irritation.

Phoenix slowly turns his head so that he is glaring daggers in Maya's eyes. "No, my hearing, much like the rest of my poor, weary body, was focused on bringing you your inhumanly large order of burgers, Moby Maya!"

"Is that a fat joke, Nick!?" Maya yells, wasting no time before grabbing one of the many burgers on the tray and devouring it whole, not unlike how a boa constrictor eats a rat.

"Well, you _have_ won the award for 'Most Big Willy Burgers Consumed in a Week' here every week for two years running." Phoenix remarks, gesturing over to a wall filled from top to bottom of pictures of Maya smiling while eating burgers.

"Hey, I need to keep my energy up so we can find Pearly. Speaking of which, have you seen her here?"

"Maya, Pearls ran away from the firm to get away from us. Why would she go to the first place that you'd search?"

By the time Phoenix finishes asking his question, Maya has already scarfed down two more burgers and is working on another one. "Nick, you know how Pearly is. She probably felt guilty for leaving us, but when she tried to return to the office, she got lost and went to the nearest burger place; knowing full-well that I'd be going there sooner or later because Pearly's sensitive and refined- much like yours truly."

As Maya says that past part, bits of burger, lettuce, and cheese fly out of her mouth and splatter onto Phoenix's suit, which he calmly wipes off with a nearby napkin.

"Maya, I'm just saying that since a tornado just blew through the area while I was ordering your banquet just now, perhaps we should search other areas; maybe even call the police in case-"

Maya holds up her greasy, ketchup-covered hand in front of Phoenix's face. "No way, Nick! If we call the police, the news will somehow get to Edgeworth, and then we'll be on the receiving end of a bajillion year-long lecture about how we need to be more responsible, and more careful, and some other boring stuff!"

A look of fear spreads across Maya's face. "Or worse… Franziska learns about it and finds Pearly before we do…!" Maya grabs onto the collar of Phoenix's shirt, getting right in his face. "You know what happens when von Karmas find children who don't have parents! She'll do to Pearly what they did to Edgeworth: making her wear a cravat, making her glare at people with a cold, emotionless expression, making her drink tea, and making her use words with more than three syllables!" Maya hysterically screams in Phoenix's face, earning them both quite a few looks from the staff and other customers alike.

Phoenix calmly pushes Maya off of him. "Maya, one, Edgeworth was doing those last three things even when his father was still alive; and two, I just know that we'll find Pearls soon. Just remember-" Phoenix is cut off when the crystal ball goes silent, its glass returning to its normal, clear state.

"No, Mystic Maya! Don't leave!" Pearl whimpers as she leans against the crystal ball.

Meanwhile, Scruffy Scarecrow, Canon, and Tiger have just reached Espeelle's castle, which is situated in a desolate, mountainous area devoid of any life, with the exception of a few dying trees, and are currently situated behind a large rock near the castle's open drawbridge, slightly peeking their heads from their hiding place to plan their next move; and it is from this hiding place that the heroic trio see a sight that they would not wish upon their worst enemies: about 50 Larries, some carrying spears and others with banners with Espeelle's face on them, all with large, toothy grins and rosy cheeks, constantly pelvic thrusting while repeatedly chanting, "Oh we love, the Hot One!"

"Why da heck are they dancin' all creepy like dat? It's unnatural!" Tiger asks in a hush tone, his body trembling like a leaf in the wind.

"While the Larries may have mannerisms that many would deem disturbing; we're not here to judge them, but rather sneak into that castle, save Pearl, steal Espeelle's magic umbrella, and get back to Groz. But how to get in…?" Canon scans the area, looking for any possible points of entry.

"The main entrance is open, so why don't we just go through there?" Scruffy Scarecrow suggests.

"Guys…" Tiger nervously says, tapping Canon on the shoulder with a shaky finger.

"Just wait a minute, Tiger." Canon says with a ton of disinterest without even turning to face the orange feline. "And just how do you plan for us to get past those Larry guards, Scarecrow?"

"I haven't thought that far ahead, pal." Scruffy Scarecrow scratches the back of his head.

Canon rolls his eyes. "*Sigh…* Why am I not surprised…?"

"Guys…!" Tiger taps Canon's shoulder harder than the last time.

"Look, Tiger, if there's another ladybug on you, just swat it off. I promise that it won't try to kill you…" Canon states with a tone of irritation. "The walls are too high to scale, and there appear to be no side entrances… Perhaps we could-"

Canon is interrupted by Tiger vigorously shaking his shoulder. "Guys, I really think youse oughta turn around!" Canon, with a grunt of irritation, turns around with Scruffy Scarecrow to face Tiger.

"Alright, Tiger, just what is so important that-" Canon goes silent and wild-eyed upon seeing three Larries, with sinister smirks on their faces, pointing their spears at the trio.

"Aww, why'd you have to go spoil the surprise?" The center Larry shrugs his shoulders, "No matter, this'll get us Her Hotness' praise all the faster. Get them!"

The Larries drop their spears and proceed to pounce on top of the trio, resulting in a fistfight with much clawing, punching, kicking, and crying- the lattermost one being all Tiger that ends in a surprisingly easy win for the trio. Gazing upon the trio of Larries, their unconscious bodies sprawled out on the ground like ragdolls that were thrown aside, a grin spreads across Canon's face.

"Guys, I have an idea…"

A few minutes later, the trio, now dressed in the outfits that were worn by the Larries that just attacked them and carrying their spears, emerge from their hiding place and join up with the other Larries, who have just stopped their dancing and chanting and are now staring straight ahead towards the castle's entrance, where King Larry is standing before them.

"Alright, my loyal Larry subjects, the time has come to put all of that practice with the 'Oh We Love the Hot One' dance to good use. Her Hotness is about to finish her dinner, so I want all of you to pelvic thrust like you've never pelvic thrust before; for tonight, we are going into that dining area as sad, lonely, depraved men, but in mere minutes, we will be sad, lonely, depraved men who have received Her Hotness' praise. Are you ready!?" King Larry holds up his fist, a look of sheer determination glimmering in his eyes.

"YEAH!" The Larries yell in unison as they pump their fists in the air.

"Then let us proudly pelvic thrust into Her Hotness' dining room as our glorious chants proclaiming our love for Her Hotness fill the air!"

The Larries proceed to form a straight, orderly line and, with King Larry leading, pelvic thrust their way into the castle while repeatedly chanting, "Oh we love, the Hot One!", with Scruffy Scarecrow, Canon, Tiger, and Shoe, who are walking normally and silently, bring up the rear as the drawbridge closes behind them.

As the trio crosses the threshold into the castle, they find themselves in a long, straight corridor with a black and bluish-silver checkered floor that is filled with many large statues of Espeelle, each having a unique facial expression and positioned in a unique pose, which at the far end forks into two different paths- one going left, and the other right. Upon seeing the Larries thrust down the left path, the trio sees their chance and split off from the line by hiding behind an Espeelle statue that depicts her sneering as she flaunts her whip.

"Alright, we're in. Now to find Pearl." Canon states, leading the group to the branching paths, and looking down both, sees that the one to the right has a stairwell that leads to the castle's higher floors.

Knowing what kind of person Espeelle is and why she would kidnap Pearl, Canon deduces that the evil witch must be storing their friend in her personal chamber on the highest floor of her castle; a place where she could gaze down upon the lands under her domain as if she was a god.

And so, with determination and bravado, Canon leads the group up the stairway and for the first three flights, they are handling the exercise pretty well; but with each passing flight after that, their energy and patience slowly drains away, much like the red sand in the hourglass in Espeelle's personal chamber, which has just finished dropping to the bottom half.

Pearl puts her hand to her mouth, letting out a nervous gasp at seeing the hour glass has stopped its trickle of sand. "Oh no, Ms. Glinda! That mean witch is going to come here and kill us now!"

The small girl trembles as she hears the sound of angry footsteps, growing louder with each passing second as they approach the room, followed by the sound of what appears to be a mixture of yelling and whining; though Pearl can't pinpoint the voice or what they're saying on account of the doors to the room being so thick. Then, Pearl hears the sound of the doors creaking, as if someone is trying their hardest to open them, along some strained grunts.

Meanwhile, outside the door, Scruffy Scarecrow and Tiger are hunched over and heavily panting in an attempt to catch their breath as Canon crosses his arms and rhythmically taps his fingers against his upper arm.

"Are you two done bellyaching yet?" Canon asks, obviously irritated at his comrades' incompetence.

"*huff* *huff* Cut us some slack, pal. We're still tired from all those stairs." Scruffy Scarecrow protests.

Canon rolls his eyes. "Don't be such a drama queen, Scarecrow, it was only ten flights of stairs."

"But you're a tinman that doesn't get tired!" Scruffy Scarecrow whines.

"Alright, alright, no need to get your trench coat tied in a knot over this when there are more important matters at hand- like opening these doors…" Canon gives the wooden doors a quick look over, noticing several strange inscriptions that appear to be some sort of ancient language carved into them. "Just as I thought, these doors have been enchanted by a spell of sorts, probably making it where they will only open for Espeelle. So, any thoughts about how we should handle the matter?"

Tiger nervously raises his hand. "We get da heck outta here before dat which finds and roasts us to a crisp!"

Canon shakes his head. "No. Scarecrow, if you don't mind…"

Scruffy Scarecrow slaps Tiger on the back of the head, making him slightly whimper.

Canon squeezes the bridge of his nose as he lets out a long sigh, dreading the question that he is about to ask. "Dare I ask…? Do you have any ideas, Scarecrow?" The tinman groans.

A twisted smile spreads across Scruffy Scarecrow's face as the proverbial lightbulb above his head lights up. "Oh, don't worry, pal, I've got a good idea…" Scruffy Scarecrow lets out a sinister snicker as he flashes Canon an unnerving stare, causing the normally collected tinman to take a step back.

"Scarecrow… Why are you giving me that look…?" Canon nervously asks as Scruffy Scarecrow approaches him.

As Pearl stands in the center of the room, dreading the moment that Espeelle finally flings open those doors and finish her off, she is jolted by the sound of a large boom, followed by someone yelling "OW!".

"W-Who's there?" Pearl meekly asks.

The cycle of the sound of a large boom followed by an "OW!" happens two more times before, on the third round, Scruffy Scarecrow and Timid Tiger, who are holding Canon akin to a battering-ram, manage to break down the door and enter the room with Shoe, where they are greeted to Pearl bouncing up and down on her tiptoes, a bright smile of joy spread across her face.

"Scruffy Scarecrow! Mr. Cannon! Tiger! You came to save me!" Pearl squeals, running over to her friends, who proceed to drop Canon to the ground, as they embrace in a group hug. As the group hugs it out, Shoe purrs as he brushes up against his master, prompting her to bend down and pick the tabby cat so that he can be part of the reunion, too.

Canon, rubbing his sore head, gets back up on his feet and glares at the group for a second before loudly clearing his throat; thereby reminding him that he's still here, which prompts Pearl to stop hugging the other two and go over to Canon and starts hugging his leg- much to the tinman's discomfort; but despite how much he wants to shake Pearl off, he can't bring himself to hurt her feelings and decides to just stick it out.

After about a minute of awkward hugging, Pearl finally lets go of Canon's leg, allowing him to go over the group's next plan of attack.

"Alright, with our entire group reunited, only one thing stands between us and receiving our wishes from Groz: the Wicked Witch of the Prosecutor's Office herself, Espeelle."

"So how are we going to defeat her?" Pearl asks.

"Simple. Given her mastery of magic, coupled with her braindead, yet massive, army of Larries, our best plan of attack would be to sneak through the castle while avoiding detection. Then, once we find the evil sorceress, we wait until the opportunity presents itself and then pounce on her, steal her magical umbrella, and flee the castle before she knows what hits her."

"THAT'S your plan? I could've come that!" Scruffy Scarecrow scoffs.

"Then why didn't you bring it up when Pearl asked earlier?" Canon retorts, causing Scruffy Scarecrow to flinch. "That's what I thought. Now let's put the plan into action."

The group starts to leave the room, but before they do, they are interrupted by the sound of someone pounding on glass behind them.

"Hell-ooooooo! Aren't you guys forgetting someone!?" Glinda huffs, puffing her cheeks as she glowers at the group.

"That's right! We have to save Ms. Glinda; but that glass wouldn't crack even when that nasty witch whipped it." Pearl states, prompting Scruffy Scarecrow and Tiger to flash Canon the same look from before.

Canon raises his hand and lets out a sigh. "Allow me to save you two the trouble…" Canon grumbles in a tone of resignation as he slinks over to Glinda's jar before ramming his head against it; breaking the jar and freeing Glinda, who finds the strength to get up on her feet and returns to the door with Canon.

"Ms. Glinda, are you going to be okay?" Pearl asks with concern in her voice."

"Me? I'll be fine! I may have had nearly all of my power drained by that device, but your friends breaking us out of here has given me newfound energy. Now let's go find Espeelle and kick her ugly green butt to kingdom come!"

When the group exits the room, they are expecting the task of finding Espeelle in this colossal castle to be akin to one of Heracles' trials; but before they can even start searching, they hear a faint sound coming from the stairwell that is slowly growing louder with each passing second- a sound that appears to be some sort of chanting.

After a few more seconds, the chanting has become loud enough to where they can hear the desperate, off-key voices saying "Oh we love, the Hot One!" over and over again; which causes Scruffy Scarecrow, Canon, and Tiger to flinch.

"Not them again!" Canon grunts, his eyes noticeably bugging out of his head as he clenches his fists.

"Who are you talking about, Mr. Canon?" Pearl asks, unaware of what her friends had to go through to get to her.

"It's those blasted Larries from outside the castle! If they're coming up here, then that means that Espeelle- We have to hide! NOW!" Canon yells; but before the group can respond, Espeelle stomps up the stairs, rage filling her eyes as she clenches her teeth, letting out a guttural growl as King Larry and the Larries from before pelvic thrust behind her while chanting their cheer, spurring her to turn around to chastise her minions, her back turned to Pearl's group.

"How many times must I tell you foolishly foolish fools that I will never enjoy that foolish chant of yours!? Now because of your foolishly foolish tomfoolery, I am behind schedule in killing that foolish girl! So please!" Whips several Larries. "Leave!" Whips several more Larries. "Me!" Whips even more Larries! "ALONE!" Espeelle engulfs her whip in flames before cracking it, sending out a wave of fire that sears every Larry with intense heat, but even that does not stop their pelvic thrusting and chanting.

As Espeelle lets out an shrill, angry scream through gritted teeth, Pearl and her group charge at the evil witch; but as they near Espeelle, she turns around, and with a smirk on her face, lifts her hand, which traps the group, including Glinda, in translucent bluish-silver spheres of magical energy.

Espeelle waggles her finger at the group, who try in vain to break free of their bubble prisons. "How utterly foolish! Did you foolishly foolish fools foolishly honestly think that such a foolishly foolish foolhardy plan of tomfoolery would foolishly work?"

"Well at least everything that comes out of our mouths isn't a foolish tongue twister!" Glinda retorts.

Espeelle instinctually tries to whip Glinda, but the attack is rendered useless on account of the magic bubble, prompting Glinda to blow a raspberry at the evil witch- a victory that is short lived when Espeelle snaps her fingers, causing a bolt of bluish-silver electricity to drop down from the roof of Glinda's bubble and shock her.

"Now, which one of you fools came up with such a foolishly foolish plan? Was it the foolish scarecrow?" Espeelle sneers, pointing her whip at Scruffy Scarecrow.

"Hey, don't look at me, lady. That was all Canons' idea." Scruffy Scarecrow points an accusing finger at Canon, causing him to flinch.

"Well, in my defense, I thought that she was only capable of using fire-based magic."

"If fire is what you want, then fire is what you get. Larries, restrain them when their bubbles vanish." Espeelle orders as she lowers her hand, freeing the group from their prisons- only for the Larries to rush up behind them and hold down their arms and shoulders, thwarting any attempts to flee.

"Now, who should I burn first…?" Espeelle carefully scans the group, much like how a child browses a candy section when picking out a treat, before pointing her whip at Scruffy Scarecrow. "I've always heard that idiots scream the loudest when being brutally killed. How about we test that theory, Scarecrow…? Espeelle derides as her whip is engulfed in flames.

Espeelle rears her whip, ready to turn Scruffy Scarecrow into the ash necessary to make her office chair finally comfortable; but before she can launch her spell-

"Hold it!"

Espeelle turns her head towards the source of the sound, which is coming from the bathroom right across from her main chamber, specifically the toilet, which is violently shaking as it starts to overflow.

"W-What foolishness is this!?" Espeelle yells, obviously perturbed by this unplanned event.

"Now you're in for it, Espeelle…!" Glinda jeers.

"In for what, exactly?" Canon hesitantly asks.

Suddenly, like how Mario rises from a warp pipe, a man resembling Phoenix, complete with spiky hair, wearing a dark blue bath robe, a matching blue wizard's hat, and a toilet bowl around his neck, who is carrying a massive toilet brush which is a tall as tall as he is, slowly rises from the toilet and enters the main area with the rest of the group.

"I won't allow you to harm them, Espeelle, or my name isn't Lavatorious, the Good Warlock of Toilets!" Lavatorious objects, shooting Espeelle a mighty finger point that Pearl has seen Phoenix do many a time in court.

"Ha! So you've come, foolish Warlock of Toilets. Well, I WAS going to roast this foolish scarecrow first, but I can make an exception for you." Espeelle wryly states as she cracks her whip at Lavatorious, launching a fireball in his direction.

Without flinching, Lavatorious raises his toilet brush staff and fires a powerful torrent of toilet water, nullifying the witch's fire attack as it speeds towards her; but before the attack can make impact, Espeelle pulls out and opens her magic umbrella, which is adorned with multiple Blue Badger heads, effectively protecting herself from Lavatorious' onslaught.

"Is that the best attack that you could foolishly muster, Lavatorious? For as you can see, no water-based attacks can pierce the perfect defenses of my magic umbrella!" Espeelle scoffs.

"Don't count your eggs before they hatch, vile witch, for I have yet to unleash my greatest power of all: the stuff that turns the toilet water blue! BEHOLD!" Lavatorious bellows at the top of his lungs as his torrent of toilet water turns bright blue.

"What foolishness! Can't you see that your foolish attack still has no- What's that noise…?" Espeelle nervously questions as she hears a fizzling sound, only to see, much to her dismay, the bright blue toilet water eating away at magic umbrella, until suddenly-

*Snap!*

Espeelle's umbrella breaks off at the top, allowing her to be hit by Lavatorious' toilet water torrent at full force. After a few moments of subject the Wicked Witch of the Prosecutor's Office to his wrath, Lavatorious stops his attack, revealing Espeelle hunched over and wheezing, using all of her energy just to remain standing.

"*Huff!* *Huff* Fool…! Don't think…! *Huff!* That you can beat… the great-" Espeelle's eyes widen as she notices that her body is starting to melt from the feet up. "NO! This can't be! You foolish Warlock! I'm melting! MELTING! Oh, what a world, what a world! Who would have thought that a foolishly foolish warlock like you could destroy perfect wickedness! I'm going! Noooooooooo…!" Espeelle wails as her body finishes melting into a gooey green puddle on the floor, leaving behind only her cloak, hat, whip, and broken umbrella.

King Larry slowly walks over to what's left of Espeelle and picks up her hat and stares at it with wide eyes. "She's… She's dead…" The bumbling king says with shock in his voice, unable to comprehend that Her Hotness could ever be taken away from him and that this is all just a bad dream.

Canon bows to King Larry. "No need to thank us, King Larry. Just let us take what's left of Espeelle's umbrella and we'll-"

"Thank you? THANK YOU!? Because of you guys, we lost our hot, bodacious ruler!" King Larry bellows, his fist clenched and teeth now sharp and jagged like a shark's!

Canon jerks back from the shock. "Why are you so angry? Any normal person would be euphoric upon seeing that the heartless witch that had reduced their country to a dry, desolate wasteland and forced their people into a state of servitude was killed!"

"We don't care about that! SHE WAS HOT! Sure, she could be mean and abusive and made us work long hours for no pay; but she was hot and that's all that mattered! Larries, kill these traitors against hotness!" King Larry commands, pointing a trembling arm at the group, prompting the Larries to swarm around them with their spears at the ready.

"G-Guys, I'm scared…" Pearl whimpers.

"Don't fret, Pearl, we can get out of this unscathed so long as everyone is-" Canon is interrupted when he notices that Tiger has just fainted and is laying limp on the ground. "Come on, Tiger, don't do this to us! We've made it this far without another issue; so don't go pulling a Scarecrow on us now!" Canon yells.

"Hey, just remember that it was MY idea that helped us get Pearl outta there, pal!" Scruffy Scarecrow objects.

"Yes, Scarecrow, I'll be sure to remember that painful experience while these Larries brutally murder us!" Canon angrily notes.

"Little girl, Glinda, hold your breaths." Lavatorious whispers, which Pearl and Glinda quickly comply with as the warlock slams the end of his staff on the ground, filling the air with a noxious pink gas that causes the Larries to fall on the ground screaming.

"What is that stuff, pal?" Scruffy Scarecrow asks.

"Ocean scented air freshener with a hint of mace, lemon juice, and lilac. Now while they're incapacitated, grab that umbrella that you apparently want and your friend and get out of here!" Lavatorious orders before running back into the bathroom, jumping into the toilet, and flushing himself back to whence he came from.

Without a moment to loose, Pearl picks up the handle of Espeelle's umbrella and, with Scruffy Scarecrow and Canon each grabbing one of Tiger's arms and pulling him behind them, rush out of the castle the way that her friends had entered it with Glinda, who is carrying Shoe in her arms, in tow and make their way back to the Ruby City as fast as they can.


	9. Welcome Back to Cali-fornia, Pearly!

**A/N:** Here it is, the ending that you've all been waiting for. I really appreciate everyone who has read this story for all their support and for all the people who have posted reviews. At first, I was not entirely sure what direction I would be going in this story- sticking closely to the source material with slight altercations or going off in an entirely new direction; but in the end, this was a pretty fun fanfic to write and I hope that you enjoyed it just as much.

* * *

Upon returning to Groz's chamber, Pearl and Glinda cheerfully walk in, grinning as they carry their respective objects, Espeelle's umbrella's handle with Pearl and Shoe with Glinda, who turn around to see that Canon and Scruffy Scarecrow are lagging behind.

"C'mon, you slowpokes! What's taking you so long?" Glinda asks with irritation in her voice as Canon and Scruffy Scarecrow struggle to drag Tiger's limp, unconscious body into the chamber.

When the two men finally reach the two women, they let go of Tiger's body before Canon glares at Glinda with a look that could be considered a weapon of mass destruction if looks could kill.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Glinda. I didn't realize that you had to drag an unconscious 200 pound tiger for 10 miles- Oh wait, that was me and Scarecrow!" Canon snarls.

"Yeah, pal!" Scruffy Scarecrow chimes in "All you had to carry was Shoe, whereas I had to drag Tiger while Canon complained! Now, I'm normally a patient guy and all, but a scarecrow can only hear 'Why can't Tiger do anything? Why are we always stuck dragging Tiger? Why does Scarecrow's breath smell so rancid?' Only so much before losing his mind."

At that moment, Tiger finally regains consciousness and gets back on his feet.

"So guys, what'd I miss?" Tiger innocently asks as if he did nothing wrong.

"Oh, nothing…" Canon states nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders. "Just the entire confrontation with Espeelle and the walk back here, you oversized paperweight!" The tinman snaps, causing Tiger to start crying, prompting Pearl to hug the large orange feline.

"Don't be mean to Tiger, Mr. Canon!" Pearl states as she scowls at Canon. "He can't help it if he gets frightened."

"Y-Yeah!" Tiger whimpers.

"Well excuse me for-"

"Why have you come back?" Groz bellows as his large green head appears before the group, transforming Canon's rage into apprehension as the tinman starts to tremble.

Pearl approaches Groz. "Mr. Groz, we did as you said and killed that mean ol' witch. The Warlock of Toilets melted her and we brought back her umbrella. See?" Pearl holds up the handle of Espeelle's umbrella.

"So you liquefied her…? And with toilet water, no less! A sickening death for a sickening witch. Excellent work!" Groz praises the group with a big grin on his face.

"Thank you, Mr. Groz!" Pearl chirps. "Now, if you don't mind, we'd like you to keep your promise to us."

"Not so fast. Not so fast!" Groz bellows, the pillars of flame shooting up. "I'll have to think about it. Go away and return here tomorrow!" The wizard commands.

Regaining his courage, Canon marches up right next to Pearl, a steely look of determination filling his eyes.

"Now listen here, Groz. You've had plenty of time to think things over while we were out doing YOU'RE dirty work." Canon objects, pointing an accusing finger at the floating head as if he were back in court.

"Do not arouse the wrath and fury of the great and powerful Groz!" The floating head bellows as Shoe jumps out of Glinda's arms and walks through a curtain in the corner of the chamber. "You should be grateful that I'm giving you audience tomorrow, and not in 20 yea-Aaaaahhh!" Groz screams as his floating head suddenly disappears.

Suddenly, a man in a reddish-orange suit that resembles Gant bursts out from behind the curtain, screaming and trying his best to pry shoe off him, who has taken an interest in clawing his face to death. When he successfully manages to rip Shoe off of him and place the cat on the ground, he is greeted with looks of shock from all five people present.

"Who are you, mister?" Pearl asks.

The man grins and clasps his hands together as the group approaches him. "Well, no point in hiding it any longer since the cat's literally out of the bag. I'm the great and powerful Wizard of Groz."

"I can't believe what I am hearing!" Canon says with a livid tone.

"W-Well, I'm afraid that it's true. I'm the only wizard here." Groz states as he nervously plays with his hair.

"You vile snake in the grass!" Canon growls as he points an angry finger at Groz.

Scruffy Scarecrow keeps looking around the chamber. "What am I missing, pals? Where did Groz go? He was here just a minute ago."

A metallic tang can be heard as Canon slaps his forehead before directing Scruffy Scarecrow's gaze to the old man before them. "Weren't you listening now, you dumb oaf? That lying bucket of bilge water there was Groz all this time!"

Groz sighs, his shoulders slumped in defeat. "I don't blame you for how you feel Tin Canny… I deserve it…"

"You're a very bad, BAD man!" Tiger states as tears well up in his eyes, obviously hurt that such an ordinary man had tried his darndest to terrify him during their previous encounter.

"No, you've got it all wrong. I'm a very good man, just a very bad wizard." Groz nervously justifies, though by the looks of anger on the group's faces, he can see that that excuse isn't going to fly with anyone- except maybe Scruffy Scarecrow, who seems to be still confused about the matter and is only glowering in an attempt to fit in.

"Now you listen here, 'Groz', if that is your real name. You had better be a good enough wizard to grant our requests or you will be dealing with a lawsuit so terrifying that it will make Espeelle look like a little bunny by comparison!" Canon yells, flashing the wizard his infamous steely glare.

"Now, now. Tin Canny, I-"

"NO!" Canon bellows. "It's MY turn to speak, you cowardly charlatan! During the course of this journey, I have been nearly melted by Espeelle, my body used a battering ram, and have been traumatized for life after seeing the Larries pelvic thrusting! And for what? A 'wizard' who hides behind smoke and mirrors! You better have a good lawyer, Groz, because I swear to all that is holy that I will dedicate every fiber of my being to being rightfully compensated for the grief that you have subjected us to by claiming every last asset that this town has to offer! And don't even think for a second that I will be merciful on account of Pearl being with me, because mark my words, I will win that lawsuit by any means necessary and then proceed to tear this entire city apart, ruby brick by ruby brick! I will lay claim to the Orange Stone Road and set up an attraction where passers-by can literally kick the lies out of you for five dollars! I-"

"I wasn't finished yet, Tin Canny." Groz wryly states as he flashes Canon a cold, unblinking stare that rivals his own, immediately silencing the tinman, before flashing the group a big smile. "Now, as I was saying, all of your requests are easy to fulfill. Take Scary, for example. Why, anyone can have a brain, including every simple creature that crawls in the dirt, every fish that swims through the seas, and even the Nahyema shippers. Back where I come from, we have universities where men, with no more brains than you do, go to become great thinkers who are revered as geniuses; but they have one thing that you don't have…" Groz reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a rolled up sheet of paper and a stack of money. "A diploma and $50,000 in loose bills! Take 'em, you earned them!"

Groz hands the items to Scruffy Scarecrow, whose eyes widen upon unrolling the paper and reading its contents. "Wow! A degree in communications! I must be the smartest man alive…! The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side." Scruffy Scarecrow boasts.

Canon sighs. "That's for a right triangle, Scarecrow, not an isosceles triangle."

Scruffy Scarecrow throws some bills at the tinman. "$100 says otherwise, pal."

Groz turns his attention to Tiger. "As for you, my frightened friend, you suffer from the delusion that just because you run away from danger, you aren't respectable. Back where I come from, we have people called crime lords, men who wield unimaginable power, yet are unable to even be near adversity without running away with their tails between their legs; but there's one thing that differentiates you from them…" Groz reaches into his pocket and pulls out a gun and a plastic bag filled with white powder. "A gun and drugs! Enjoy!"

Groz hands the items to Tiger, whose face morphs into a big, toothy smile. "Thanks, Groz! Now I won't hafta to kill my clients to get back da money dat they owe me!"

"As for you, my galvanized chum, you want a heart-"

Canon raises his hand. "I'm going to stop you right there, Groz. Seeing the trend that has been set with my two acquaintances before me, if your solution to my problem is loading me up on Prozac or Novocain or some other mood enhancing medication, then you might as well save yourself the trouble and head over to the Ruby City courthouse for our trial." Canon cynically states.

A wry frown spreads across Groz's face. "You really need to learn to let people finish their sentences, Tin Canny. As I was saying, before you rudely cut me off again, your issue is not a lack of heart, but an utter lack of people skills." Groz reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cheap pamphlet that one would find in a doctor's office. "Here's a pamphlet on the basics of small talk. It's not much, but it'll get the job done, you emotionally constipated cockwaffle."

Groz nonchalantly tosses the pamphlet at Canon, which lands on top of his head in such a manner that the big yellow smiley face adorning the front cover covers his own face, resulting in the tinman letting out a guttural growl that contradicts said happy face.

Groz claps his hands as his smile returns. "Well, if that's everything, then you guys are free to go!"

"B-But, Mr. Groz, Shoe and I still need to get back home." Pearl meekly says.

"What are you talking about, Pearlsy?" Groz asks with a confused look on his face. "You're wearing the Boron Booties, so you've been able to go back home this entire time; but we do thank you for helping us out."

"WHAT!" Pearl shrieks as she turns to Glinda, glowering at the burger which as she stomps over to her. "I've been able to go back to Cali-fornia this entire time!? Why didn't you tell me we first met in Munchkin Land?"

"Well, I didn't think that you'd believe me." Glinda nervously retorts, picking up holding Shoe in front of her to shield her from the wrath of Pearl.

"Oh please! When I first met you, I thought that you were Mystic Maya, a woman who I have looked up to for as long as I could remember! For Mystic Ami's sake, she's the person who told me that if I touched her burgers, I would go blind- something that I still believe to this day! Not to mention, if you thought that I wouldn't believe you telling me how to get home instantly, why did you choose to send me all the way here to see Groz?" Pearl yells.

Glinda puffs her cheeks. "Hey, the process is really, really hard! You wouldn't have been able to do it without going on this journey!"

"Actually, Glinny, all she had to do was click her heals together three times while saying 'There is no place like home.'" Groz interjects.

Glinda flashes Groz a scowl before returning her attention to Pearl, who is growling as she rolls up her sleeve and clenches her little, yet powerful, fist.

"How dare you do this to me, Ms. Glinda!? I trusted you! You saw what was going on in that nasty witch's crystal ball! You saw how Mystic and Mr. Nick are worried sick about me! If you would have told me the truth from the start, I could have saved them so much heartache and worry- worry that could very well strain their relationship and delay them getting married!"

A morose look forms on Glinda's face as she eyes the ground. "Pearly... I-"

"No, I've heard enough out of you! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't slap you to somewhere over the rainbow!?" Pearl huffs.

Pearl raises her arm as she prepares to unleash her infamous slaps upon the burger witch, but is stop when the firm, metallic hand of Canon- who has since removed the pamphlet off of him, crumpled it up, and threw it in a corner- grabs her shoulder and kneels down to her eyelevel as she turns around to face him.

"I know that you're hurt and mad, Pearl, and so am I, but despite being gypped by that wizard, I want you to know that I have thoroughly enjoyed this journey of ours. Sure, I may have had a few conflicts with Scarecrow and Tiger…" Pearl rolls her eyes in response. "Alright, a lot- but you made it all worthwhile in the end; for if it wasn't for your kindness and dedication to your friends, I would have never learned what it means to be a friend. That's why I just want to say, well, I… You see, the others and I… I… This is kind of hard for me to say." Canon states with reddened cheeks as he scratches the back of his head. "I'll-"

Pearl interrupts Canon by giving him a hug. "I know that it's hard for you, Mr. Canon. I'll miss you too… a-and, goodbye…" Pearl whimpers as a lone tear rolls down her cheek and onto the tinman, prompting him to gently push her away.

"Hey now, watch those tears. None of us want to see me frozen like a statue again." Canon blithely remarks as he playfully ruffles the small spirit medium's hair.

Pearl then proceeds to approach Tiger, who has tears welling up in his eyes, and gives him a hug. "Goodbye, Tiger. I'll miss the way you'd get all nervous and faint before you found your courage."

"W-Well, I never woulda found it if it weren't for you. If youse eva return to Groz, I'll give youse a reduced loan. I-I Waaaaaaah!" Tiger bursts into tears. Why does dis have to be so haa-aaa-aaaard!" The orange feline wails at the top of his lungs as he uses his tail to wipe away his tears.

Last, but not least, Pearl turns to Scruffy Scarecrow and gives him a hug. "I think that I'll miss you most of all." Pearl proclaims in a shaky voice, which causes Canon and Tiger to replace their sadness with disdain.

"Hold it!" Canon yells as he points an angry finger at his little friend. "I pour my heart out to you and this is the thanks I get!? I can understand you missing Tiger less!"

"Hey!" Tiger responds in a tone of hurt.

"Oh please, you and I both know that you truly didn't do that much, Tiger- but ME!? I'm guy who had not only allowed himself to be used a battering ram to save you, but who almost lost his life! What in Groz did that worthless sack of straw do to warrant the honor of being missed most of all?" Canon huffs.

Pearl takes Shoe out of Glinda's hands and starts stroking him. "Well, when I first met him, Scruffy Scarecrow sang me a song about what he'd do if he had a brain."

"A song!? Tiger and I were outranked by a mere show tune!?" Canon lividly states as he clenches his fist, spurring Scruffy Scarecrow to start singing the song that he sang for Pearl when they first met.

 _I could think through the minutes, brainstorming in some tin huts,_

 _Pondering nature's grace._

 _And my noggin I'd be rubbin'-_

"Shut up!" Canon barks, immediately silencing the scarecrow.

"Well, he made a good first impression, whereas you just made us sad with your backstory and Tiger tried to kill us." Pearl justifies, though it doesn't seem to have done anything if Canon and Tiger's angry expressions are of any indication.

"Oh, would you look at the time. I have to get back home. There is no place like home…!" Pearl clicks her heals together.

"Hold it!" Canon shouts. "We're not done here."

"There is no place like home..!" Pearl clicks her heals together again.

"Pearl Fey! I order you to stop clicking your heals together this instant so that we can resolve this issue like-"

"There is no place like home!" Pearl clicks her heels together a third time, causing her body to slowly disappear in a flurry of yellow sparkles.

"Pearl, you get back her." Canon commands. "Pearl. Pearl! Pearl!"

As Pearl vanishes, she finds herself and Shoe floating in a world of utter darkness, with no sights or sounds with the exception of Canon constantly repeating her name, which is strangely getting louder each time.

As Pearl regains her vision, she finds herself back in Phoenix's office, where Edgeworth is gently shaking her, a look of worry on his face as he calls out her name, while Gumshoe, who's wearing his normal goofy grin, stands next to him.

"Mr. Edgeworth, I think she's waking up!" Gumshoe excitedly proclaims.

Edgeworth breathes a heavy sigh of relief. "Thank goodness you're alright, Pearl!" Edgeworth squeezes the young girl in an uncharacteristically bear hug.

"Mr. Canon..? Scruffy Scarecrow…?" Pearl wearily asks as she rubs her head, which has a large purple welt on it from where the trashcan hit her earlier.

"'Canon?' Pearl, it's me, Prosecutor Edgeworth, and Detective Gumshoe." Edgeworth states in a concerned tone as he points to Gumshoe.

"Well, she was half right about me, sir!" Gumshoe chuckles.

"The poor girl's delirious, no doubt from that trashcan hitting her in the head."

"No, Mr. Eh-ji-worth! I just got back from the land of Groz, where I went through so much with my friends to get back here. There was Scruffy Scarecrow, a brainless scarecrow who was exactly like Scruffy Detective, only he didn't have a brain…"

 _With Gumshoe, that last part is debatable._ Edgeworth thinks to himself.

"There was also Tiger, but he didn't do all that much. And lastly, there was Mr. Canon, a cold, heartless tinman prosecutor who would constantly get into arguments with Scruffy Scarecrow." Pearl states.

 _I.e. Mr. Edgeworth. I'm afraid to think about how many times Canon cut Scruffy Scarecrow's pay?_ Gumshoe thinks to himself as he lets out a morose sigh.

"Good, it was just a dream. And here I thought that you were suffering from a head injury; but we can't be careless. I'll call your guardians, who are worried sick about you, take you over to them, and then we can head over to the hospital to get you examined, okay?" Edgeworth asks as he pats Pearl on the head.

Pearl shakes her head. "But Mr. Eh-ji-worth, it wasn't a dream and I can prove it! See the Boron Booties that-" Pearl stops upon noticing that the Boron Booties have been replaced with her normal sandals.

"Riiight…" Edgeworth states with disbelief before dialing Phoenix's cellphone number and, after a few seconds of waiting, being greeted by Phoenix's 'hello'.

"Wright, Gumshoe and I found Pearl. She was in your office… Is she alright? Well, from the look of things, a trashcan broke through your window during the storm and hit Pearl on the head, rendering her unconscious until we arrived… Yes, she's still breathing… Yes, I am aware that you told Maya that she wasn't at Big Willy's. Speaking of Maya, can you give her the phone? I wish to talk to her…"

"Hiya, Edgeworth!" Maya chirps with a mouth full of food.

"Don't you 'Hiya' me, Maya!" Edgeworth sternly states. "You are 19 years-old AND Pearl's guardian. What kind of example are you setting for her by going out for burgers, if your chewing is of any indication, instead of searching for her? And before you start unfairly blaming Wright, knowing you, you disregarded Pearl's wellbeing the second that she ran away in favor of keeping Wright as your captive hostage and watching the 'Nickle Samurai' marathon; only to start searching for her when the marathon ended on account of the tornado warning for our area."

"But-" Maya tries to retort , only to be blocked out by the unstoppable force that is Edgeworth's sense of justice.

"No buts, Maya. Pearl was hit in the head by a trashcan, resulting in a nasty welt. You're lucky that she wasn't killed! You're not some child anymore, Maya; you're a young adult who has to take more responsibility in her cousin's wellbeing. And while we're on the topic of wellbeing, I noticed at the party following the whole Engarde fiasco that you were explicitly forbidding Pearl from eating even a single vegetable. I know that from Wright's accounts that you think that they are 'icky', but if Pearl wants to eat them, then let her. Not only are vegetables necessary for healthy growing patterns, which Pearl is on the low side, and a healthy complexion, but they also allow for one to maintain a healthy colon and to keep regular. Do you wish for Pearl to become constipated? And speaking of health, I've heard from Wright that you have been keeping Pearl up past 11 o'clock at night, an unhealthy bedtime for a girl of her age. Medical professionals say that children at that age should be in bed no later than nine p.m. Why, when I was living in the von Karma household, von Karma would have us in bed by 8 and would not spare us the rod if we did not comply. Now, I'm not saying that my former mentor's ways are the best- far from it- but they do have some merit, considering how both Franziska and I became successful prosecutors at such young ages. Yes, discipline and the encouragement of the pursuit of knowledge are the keys to proper childrearing. Speaking of which, I've noticed how Pearl struggles with the pronunciation of words and, from what Wright has told me, modern society in general. Now, I know that she was raised in your simple village in the boonies that probably has no running water, thinks that the Earth is flat, and that the universe is geocentric, and as such has received all the knowledge of a rock, but that is no excuse considering that she is your charge and you basically live in LA, mooching off of Wright's resources like a leach. So I would highly suggest getting her into a good elementary school, posthaste! Or, and this is a big 'or', if Pearl desires to go into law, I can pull a few strings and get her into Themis Legal Academy, the most prestigious K-12 boarding school in the nation when it comes to legal studies, where Pearl will not only receive a proper primary education, but also give her the knowledge to become a lawyer, prosecutor, or even a judge by the age of 18. Not to mention, at Themis, she would be taught the aspects of law that Wright and I cherish the most: finding the truth and stopping corruption from a staff of teachers who are the epitome of honesty. Oh, and while we're at it, we can also start preparing Pearl's resume. I can come over tomorrow and…"

At this point, Maya has since put the phone on the table, gone to the restroom, gotten into the line at the cash register, which was all the way back to the door, ordered 20 milkshakes, all paid for with Phoenix's credit card, and consumed each and every one of said milkshakes while Edgeworth is still going strong with his lecture- a rant that the Demon Prosecutor continues for another 20 minutes before establishing that he and Gumshoe would bring Pearl over to meet her and Phoenix at Big Willy's.

Edgeworth and Gumshoe then proceed to drive Pearl over to the nearby Big Willy's in the prosecutor's bright red sports car; where upon arrival, they see Phoenix, who is whimpering as he reads the receipt for his assistant's feast, and Maya, who is devouring yet another burger, standing outside the restaurant.

"PEARLY!" Maya squeals as she sees her little cousin with Edgeworth and Gumshoe.

"MYSTIC MAYA!" Pearl jovially responds as she runs over to Maya and leaps into her arms.

Phoenix breathes a sigh of relief. "Edgeworth, you don't know how grateful I am for you finding Pearl."

"Well, I did kind of owe you for defending me last year. Plus, if Maya's rather-whinny screams of 'No, Nick! I don't wanna lecture!' meant what I thought they meant, this was a situation that needed my attention." Edgeworth grins at Maya. "Speaking of which, Maya, I hope that you took my advice earlier to heart."

Maya nods. "Yup! Sure did!"

"Then you agree with my point towards the end where I'll buy Gumshoe a moon bounce for his birthday?"

"Uhh…Yeah, you should totally do that!" The perky spirit medium chirps.

"Objection!" Edgeworth yells, a sneer forming on his face reminiscent to that of a cat that has just cornered a mouse, as he points at Maya. "I never once promised to get Gumshoe a moon bounce. Moon bounces are rewarded only to detectives who can properly do their jobs!"

"No!" Maya screams, recoiling back in the same manner as a witness that Phoenix would see in court.

"Aww…" Gumshoe moans as he slumps his shoulders in defeat.

The maroon-clad prosecutor slams his palm against his leg to emphasize his point. "Ergo, Ms. Fey, it's as clear as the cravat tucked into my shirt that you were, in fact, NOT listening to my advice. As such, it appears that I must repeat it to you once more… in person!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Maya screeches, flailing her arms in the air like she's having a seizure, before latching onto Phoenix's chest like a cat that's about to be thrown into a bathtub. "Help me, Nick!" The petite medium wails. "I don't wanna hear a lecture! It'll be boriiiiiiing!"

"Help me get back the five grand that you spent on burgers today and then we'll talk, Maya…" Phoenix curtly responds as he tries in vain to pry his spry, gluttonous assistant off of him. "Will you please let go of me, Maya? I may have risked everything to save you from de Killer, but even I'm not willing to get drawn into one of Edgeworth's spiels that makes time stand still."

Edgeworth noisily clears his throat. "Excuse me, but you do realize that I am standing right here?"

Suddenly, Phoenix yelps as a sharp, burning pain rushes through his back, making the ace attorney feel as if he was just shot; though upon struggling to turn around, notices Pearl standing right behind him, her fist primed to slap, glaring at him with fiery anger in those big, grey eyes of hers.

"How dare you, Mr. Nick!? Mystic Maya is your special someone who you are willing to do anything for- even enduring Mr. Ed-ji-worth's talks that no one would wish on their worst enemies!"

 _How shall I use my newfound powers of invisibility? To fight for truth and justice, or to sneak over to my car unnoticed and plow them all down!_ Edgeworth ponders, letting out an agitated sigh to signify his seething rage. "As much as I love to be ignored, which I most certainly don't, I will not have this lecture postponed any longer, or my name isn't-"

"MILES EDGEWORTH!"

The group direct their attention to the yelling, which is from Franziska, who is soaking wet and glaring daggers at them, as she pedals towards them on her niece's small, pink, flowery bike before throwing the basket that she has with her at her 'little' brother, which smacks him square in the face.

"Ah, Franziska, as subtle as-" Edgeworth snidely remarks before he is interrupted by Franziska getting off the bike and throwing it at him, knocking him onto the ground like a scene straight out of a cartoon. "Gumshoe, help me!" Edgeworth pleads as he struggles to get the bike made for young girls off of him.

"Don't worry, sir! I'm on- Yowch!" Gumshoe yelps as Franziska whips his right shoulder.

"You will not help him, Scruffy! If I had to suffer with that foolish bike, then so will my foolishly foolish little brother who has foolishly betrayed me along with you!" Franziska whips Gumshoe again.

"Franziska, why were you riding a little girl's bike? Did you never get around to getting your license?" Phoenix asked before getting whipped by the angry teenage prosecutor.

"What a foolishly foolish question coming from a foolishly foolish fool like yourself, Phoenix Wright! Of course I got my license- perfectly, might I add." Franziska growls. "The reason why I am stuck riding on some foolish children's bike like a fool of your caliber is because my car broke down this morning, and when I called both Scruffy and Miles Edgeworth to provide me assistance, they refused on the premise that they were busy with a case!

Franziska glares down at Edgeworth. "So is this the 'big case' that you were swamped with, Miles Edgeworth!? Foolishly gallivanting around with Phoenix Wright and his band of fools!"

"No, that's not it, we…" Edgeworth hears a faint creaking sound coming above Franziska, which upon looking up, notices its source: the Big Willy's sign, which consists of a large, husky boy with raven-colored hair, wearing a white shirt underneath red overalls, and is holding a giant metal burger with 'Big Willy's' written on it in big yellow letters, which was apparently weakened by the tornado because said burger is starting to rock back and forth.

"Franziska! Get out of the way! NOW!" Edgeworth yells to his adoptive sister, whose only response is to whip him again.

"Don't think that you can foolishly pull the wool over my eyes like some foolish child, Miles Edgeworth! I see how it is- whenever I, your big sister, needs your help, you couldn't care less, but when it's that foolish fool Phoenix Wright, you can't drop whatever you're doing fast enough…! Just like when you disappeared…!" Franziska snarls, obviously hurt and trying her best to hold back her tears, but is too prideful to let it show.

Edgeworth shakes his head. "Listen to me, Franziska; you have to move right now! The Big Willy's sign-" Edgeworth tries to warn his adoptive sister of the danger she doesn't realize that she is in, only to be treated to another lash of her whip.

"Save your breath, Miles Edgeworth, I'll get my proper revenge on you later…" Franziska flashes a fierce glare at Pearl. "After I accomplish what I came here for: destroying that foolish little girl's foolish cat that not only destroyed my precious fern, but escaped from my basket and made the long bike ride to the animal shelter, where I had to brave that horrid tornado, all for naught! So hand over that foolish cat, Pearl Fey, or watch as Phoenix Wright suffers for your lack of cooperation!" Franziska demands as she whips Phoenix to prove her point.

"Stop hurting Mr. Nick, you big bully!" Pearl clenches her fist.

"Then tell me where that foolish cat is!" the female prosecutor whips Pearl's father figure harder, causing him to grunt in pain.

"Even if I wanted to give shoe to a mean, nasty woman like you, I couldn't. I left him back at Mr. Nick's office; so please stop being mean to Mr. Nick." Pearl begs as tears well up in her eyes.

Franziska sneers at the weepy child before her. "There, that wasn't so hard now, was it? But before I take my leave…" Franziska flashes Phoenix and Gumshoe a sinister stare before cracking her whip, causing the two men to flinch. "I'm going to give you two a little parting present…"

However, before Franziska can unleash a barrage of lashes unto the attorney and detective, an especially strong gust of wind blows at her back, causing the large burger in Big Willy's hand to come unhinged and fall on top of Franziska with a large bang; leaving only her two wriggling legs exposed.

"FRANZISKAAAAAAAAAA!" Edgeworth screams at the top of his lungs as he tries once again to free himself from the little pink bike's weight, but to no avail. "Seriously, can someone please get this bike off me?"

Gumshoe easily lifts the bike off of Edgeworth and throws it off to the side, allowing the Demon Prosecutor to get back up on his feet, before he, the maroon-cladded man, and Phoenix rush over to Franziska and try to get the large metal burger off of her.

"Maya, call 911 while we try to help Franziska!" Edgeworth orders, which Maya quickly complies with by pulling out her cellphone and calling said number.

To everyone else there, this was merely an unfortunate accident that could have happened to anyone, but Pearl knows differently- for when the gust of wind that toppled the burger blew through the area, the young spirit medium heard a whisper that was in Maya's voice, a whisper that unmistakably said "Burger!"

 **THE END**

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 **A/N:** Hey guys, I hope that you enjoyed the ending to _Wizard of Groz_ as much as I enjoyed writing it. Next chapter's the bonus ending, so if you're interested, read what happens if things were to go a little differently for Pearl when she tried to use the Boron Booties.


	10. Why, Boron Booties? Why?

**A/N:** *Cue DKC 3 bonus area theme* It's bonus ending time, guys! As such, if you want to read the real ending for this fanfic, then read the previous chapter.

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"Oh, would you look at the time. I have to get back home. There is no place like home…!" Pearl clicks her heals together.

"Hold it!" Canon shouts. "We're not done here."

"There is no place like home..!" Pearl clicks her heals together again.

"Pearl Fey! I order you to stop clicking your heals together this instant so that we can resolve this issue like-"

"There is no place like home!" Pearl clicks her heels together a third time, causing her body to slowly disappear in a flurry of yellow sparkles.

The next thing Pearl knows, she and Shoe are back Phoenix's office, which is falling out of the sky like it was when she first arrived in Groz.

"Shoe, what's happening!?" Pearl screams as she clings to her cat just like the last time; however, unlike her previous experience, a loud boom can be heard, as if the building crashed through a thick slab of stone, followed by several screams as the office hits the ground.

"Oh Shoe, we must be home!" Pearl jovially proclaims. "I have to find Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya!"

Pearl rushes over to office door and thrusts it open, but what she finds on the other side morphs her excitement into pure horror. When she leaves the office, she notices that she is back in Groz's chamber, but this time isn't as happy, for Pearl immediately hears Glinda call out to her in a voice filled with anger and betrayal.

"Pearly, why'd you do this!?"

Pearl looks around the chamber, unable to find Glinda anywhere.

"Down here!" The witch angrily states.

"AHHH!" Pearl screams upon turning around seeing Glinda, who's laying on the ground as her upper half protrudes from underneath the building, glaring at her with fiery rage in her eyes. "Ms. Glinda! What happened to you!?" The little medium gets down on her knees to get a better look at the crushed burger witch.

"You're what happened!" Glinda curtly responds. "What the heck, Pearly!? I don't tell you how to use the Boron Booties so you crush me with flying office of death!?"

Pearl bursts into tears. "I'm soooo sorry, Ms. Glinda! I didn't mean to do it! Honest! Don't worry, I'll get Groz, and he'll"

"We'll, you won't have to travel too far this time, Pearlsy…" Groz jovially interject.

Pearl looks slightly to her right and shrieks once more upon seeing Groz, whose upper half is protruding from under the office in the same fashion as Glinda's, clapping his hands as he lets out a hearty laugh.

"Mr. GROOOOOOOOOZ!" Pearl wails upon seeing the fallen wizard.

"Now, now. Don't cry Pearlsy, I'm going to be starting my journey with Glinny down the River Styx to the Pearly Gates! Oh, we're off to see… to see…." At that moment, both Groz and Glinda pass on to the other side as their bodies go limp.

Pearl hugs Glinda's corpse and starts softly whimpering to herself. "Ms. Glinda… Mr. Groz… I'm sorry…"

Suddenly, Pearl's grieving is cut short by the loud bang of a gun going off, followed by the sound of Scruffy Scarecrow screaming in pain.

When Pearl looks up, she screams again, only this time at the sight of Scruffy Scarecrow lying face-down on the ground near where Groz's giant floating head used to float, straw strewn around his cold, lifeless body, with Tiger standing over him, his gun smoking from recent use.

"Now who's da favorite!? Now who's da favorite!? Gwoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar" Tiger roars at the top of his lungs.

"Tiger!" Pearl screeches. "What did you do to Scruffy Scarecrow!?"

"Gwoaaaaaaaaar! Whad'youse think it looks like!? I offed dat uppity straw man dat though he was better than me, so now I'm da favorite!" Tiger yells.

"B-But where's Mr. Canon?" Pearl whimpers as she scans the room for her metal friend.

At that moment, Pearl and Tiger can hear the faint, angry yells of Canon from outside the building.

"Ruby brick by ruby brick!" Canon bellows, followed by the sound of a building crumbling. "As I said, I shall be rightly-" A loud explosion is heard. "NO! NO! Get back, you- Nnnnnggghhhhoooooh!" Canon screams with terror in his voice before a loud, metallic thumping noise rings through the air.

"M-Mr. Cannon…?" Pearl nervously asks before an all-too-familiar chant fills the air.

"Oh we love, the Hot One!" The Larries, led by King Larry, angrily and repeatedly chant as they force open the door to Groz's chamber and pelvic thrust their way in, with one Larry holding a large stick that has Canon's lifeless body, with his head bashed in, tied to it.

"Youse ain't getting' me like youse got Canon, you freaks!" Tiger yells as he fires a few shots at the Larries, killing a few of them, but barely making a dent in their numbers as they keep pelvic thrusting forward and repeating their chant.

Tiger, seeing that he can't stop the Larries, drops his gun and pushes Pearl out of the way as he reverts to his timid nature as he tries to run, whimpering like a small child, out of the chamber, only to be stabbed in the diaphragm by one of the spear-wielding Larries.

Pearl slowly backs up against the back wall, tears clouding her eyes and fear making her forget about the power of the Boron Booties to get her out of there in an instant, as the Larries approach her; and when they finally reach her, two of them grab her arms and another clings to her legs to prevent her from running.

Seeing that the small child before him is restrained, King Larry walks over to Pearl as the chanting from his subjects grows louder, faster, and angrier- but is quickly silenced with a raise of his hand.

"So, Ms. I-like-to-kill-hot-chicks, you thought that you could run away from your crimes and hide in your precious Ruby City, didn't you?" King Larry angrily asks as he clenches his fists.

Pearl shakes her head. "No, we weren't trying to kill that nasty witch; we just wanted her umbrella so that Mr. Groz could help us."

A smug smile forms on King Larry's face. "Well, little girl, you failed to take into account one thing: that we are a civilization of sad, lonely men with nothing better to do and nothing to lose!" The king proudly states, completely ignoring Pearl, before taking out the Thinker clock and brandishing it. "So now, Pearl Fey, in the name of Her Hotness, I whack you really hard with this clock that I made for her!"

As King Larry raises the Thinker to strike down Pearl, his subjects resume constantly repeating their chant in a fast, angry fashion as they pelvic thrust like there's no tomorrow.

However, before King Larry can land the coup de grace and kill Pearl, the young spirit medium panics and inadvertently channels Espeelle's soul, causing her body to transform into that of the evil witch, minus the green skin and the fact that she's wearing Pearl's acolyte robe.

"Let go of me, you foolishly foolish fools!" Espeelle yells as she slaps the Larries restraining her body off of her.

"Your Hotness! You're alive!" King Larry wails, tears of joy trickling down his cheeks, as he latches onto the evil witch in a powerful hug.

Espeelle launches King Larry off of her by firing a fireball out of her hand before taking a look at her surroundings. "Where am I…?"

"Your Hotness, you are currently in Groz's main chamber. We have conquered the Ruby City and have vanquished all your enemies." King Larry bows to his Ruler of Hotness.

Espeelle looks around the chamber, a sinister grin spreading across her face as she notices the corpses of Glinda, Groz, Scruffy Scarecrow, Canon, and Tiger. "I'm impressed, King Larry. You and your Larries have actually done something right." The witches grin quickly changes into a scowl. "But where is that foolish girl, Pearl Fey? I still have unfinished business with her."

"Well, Your Hotness, she just disappeared when you arrived, but somehow you are now wearing the Boron Booties." King Larry points down at Espeelle's feet, where the Boron Booties are present like the dimwitted king had stated, causing the witch to let out a shrill cackle.

"Yes! With the Boron Booties at my disposal and the Ruby City under my control, nothing will stop me now!" Espeelle triumphantly proclaims as she raises her arms, causing the Boron Booties and her hands to start glowing dark purple as she starts to maniacally laugh.

As Espeelle's sinister laugh fills the air, purple clouds of evil energy fill the skies above Groz, blocking out the sun and casting the entire land into darkness.

"The Age of Espeelle begins now!" the evil witch bellows at the top of her lungs as the sound of thunder fills the air, causing Shoe to flee the room out fear and to seek the comfort of his master, wherever she may be...

 **THE END**

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 **A/N:** I can't believe that _Wizard of Groz_ is finally done. It was a long journey, filled with many moments of enjoyment and writer's block. As such, while it is sad to see this fanfic come to a close, I am excited to get started on my next project, which I will post the first chapter of after I upload the next chapters for _Debauched Steel_ and _The Imperial Daddy_ , which will be about everyone's favorite family of perfect prosecutors.


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